Last year, two of my daughter’s friends were in our kitchen. They were making small talk with baby girl as she did the dishes. One girl accidentally touched a plate that was on top of the microwave, which hit the floor and broke into countless shards.  

I was concerned. Not for the plate, though, but for the girls’ welfare. See, these children were under our roof. And, by default, I was supposed to make sure they returned to their homes unhurt. If anything happened to them, Tenderoni and I would have been held responsible.

The two girls profusely apologised.

But I have found out that, when they come to visit Pudd’ng, they still venture to the kitchen. Is it a girls’ thing? I don’t know. I have a strange feeling that Pudd’ng also does the same when she visits her friends’ homes.

Which is why I gave Pudd’ng these eight commandments to follow her when she visits her friends …

1. Though shall not enter people’s kitchens

Whether or not parents and grownups are in the house, Pudd’ng will not enter the kitchen. It is out of bounds. She will not set foot in there, even if her friends ask her.

The only exception is when a parent or grownup asks her to. And even then, she will not be all up in the place like she is Tom Colicchio.  

2. Though shall excuse thyself

When Pudd’ng is at her friend’s and she wants to use the bathroom, she will not just get up and leave, even if she has a runny tummy that’s out of control. She will be a lady and excuse herself.

In fact, if she wants to do anything or go anywhere, she will excuse herself.  

3. Though shall sit still

Baby girl will not walk around other people’s houses. And she will not take the remote control and start changing television channels.

Sitting still also means that she will not join in conversations of adults, or tell them what goes on in our home.

4. Thou shall be a lady

When Pudd’ng is at her friend’s house, she will not put her feet on the pouf, sofa or table, or do anything that is unladylike.

She will speak, sit and act like a lady.  

5. Though shall offer greetings and farewells

I have told Pudd’ng that when she knocks on her friend’s door, she must not enter unless she invited in. And when she enters the house, she must greet the people in the house.

When she is leaving, she must say goodbye. Courteously.

6. Though shall not gorge yourself like a glutton

I have told Pudd’ng that, if she is offered food while she is in her friend’s house, she has two options: decline or accept.

If she declines, she must do so graciously.

But if she accepts the offer of a meal, she will with adabu. No aibu ndogo ndogo. Even if we have been living on leftovers, and she is offered a dish she has not seen for months on end, she shall watch her plate.

7. Though shall not be a private eye

I have told Pudd’ng that, while at her friend’s, she will not ask her friend, her friend’s siblings or parents any questions concerning the items inside their house.  

She will not ask how much anything costs, where it is was bought or any nosey questions.  

I have also told her that her eyes should not dart from one item to the other, like she is checking out what is inside the house.  

8. Though shall mind thy language

I have told Pudd’ng that she will mind how she speaks to the people in the house. Parents are not called by their names, but are referred to as Sir, Madam, mother-so-and-so, or father-so-and-so.

She will also be generous with such words as thank you, please and sorry.