Vipul vs Munene Nyaga

By Matilda Nzioki

Vipul Doggy Dog

Pulse: Imagine you were in a shouting contest with Munene, do you think you would beat him?

Vipul: That’s a giver, there’s only one guy who can make that much noise. That’s why I do better radio presenting while he does better on TV.

P: You have won a Pizza eating contest, if your month’s salo was at stake in a beer drinking bet, what would be up with that?

V: I’d beat the hell out of him! I down a beer in three seconds, so in five minutes, I am fifteen minutes ahead of him and his salary is mine. I would buy him one from his own money!

V: Oh, straight a way! He must love mutura and the likes , so in the very first second, I am sure I will be out.

P: Would you quit supporting Liverpool if Munene was ever made the assistant technical coach?

V: What do you mean, I am a Liverpool fan for life, regardless of the management team, I’d die with it, and can’t you see my tattoo? But if some shoddy job is done, there is always the option of overthrowing.

P: Imagine Munene as a death metal DJ (hard rock), how do you think he would fair?

V: He would do very well and you know why? He knows jack about that kind of rock hence he would kill everyone!

P: Why are you cooler than Munene?

V: That’s a hard question. Most women think a six-pack is cool but why would you want a six-pack when you can have one beer barrel? So both Munene and I are as cool as each other!

P: Boxers or briefs?

V: None of the above. Commando is the way forward. Let it all hang loose...

Munene Nyaga

Pulse: Imagine you were in a shouting contest with Vipul, do you think you would beat him?

Munene: I think Vipul would win hands down. As you know the ‘Easy’ side of me already took over and I only shout when my cat sticks its claws on my thigh as a sign of love.

P: If your month’s salo was at stake in a pizza-eating bet, what would be up with that?

M: I have actually been involved in a pizza-eating contest once, at Galito’s Ngong road with five of my friends. The winner was a serious Meru man who ate four pizzas while I almost constipated after only two! I cannot bet my salo on an eating contest maybe a dead lift of squatting contest.

P: If Vipul ever sat on your stomach, what do you think would happen?

M: I would deliver a bouncing baby heart, lung, pancreas, liver and twin kidneys. But then again why would I let him sit on my tumbo?

M: I think they have had a very good start although I find them too English. I am a staunch Arsenal guy because of the new talent rather than Wengers’ antics. Liverpool will need a miracle to beat Man U in the coming days given what they (Man U) did to Chelsea.

P: There was a time when Nation radio had a show where swa was used. How do you think Vipul would have faired as its presenter?

M: I think it would be very interesting since it would be like Malkiat Singh producing an audio version of his Kiswahili publications. I guess he would have huge following in Westlands and Parklands ha, ha.

P: Why are you cooler than Vipul?

M: I don’t consider myself cooler than he is because that is very subjective. I may be cuddlier, but cool? I don’t know. I’m a nyauthi to the core!

P: Boxers or briefs?

M: Boxers for freedom, flexibility, air and you can operate freely in the digs with or without guests. Girlfriend can also strut in it with a shirt or T-shirt for spice!

Verdict: This is a very high scoring match with pizza-gobbling, beer guzzling LOUD Vipul versus Munene of the mutura farts and ‘Malkiat Singh’ insults. But, as it is in football, Munene – mbiri (2). Vipul ‘Doggy Dawg’ – four (4). Vip gets the Victory.