The Shades

By CHIQUITTA

I think someone misconstrued my Bougie Kenyan article last week.

It was poking fun on the Bougie Kenyan in all of us and not just the stereotypical ‘babi’ who lives up town.

Everyone has a bit of bougie in them whether it’s not eating from certain joints, refusing to enter rickety mats or just having lofty dreams...embrace your inner bougie.

In the same way, Kenyans should also embrace the ‘shade’ in them. It does not matter where you were born.

All Kenyans and I mean all even the ones who live in the untouched hinterland of Karen, have a little ‘shadiness’ in them.

Here’s how you know you are ‘shady’:

 Talking Really Loud

Watching the Braxton Family, I realised the shadiest of the sisters was actually the loudest one.

She was constantly attacking one of the sisters for acting like a hood rat yet she was worse — a hood rat with money.

I am sorry but if you can’t moderate your voice in an environment, that calls for it you are a bit shady.

If you are in an argument you will insist on out talking your opponent and shouting them down.

This will also include threats about being tried and the dire consequences that may follow.

 Following Fads Blindly

So a well-known fast food brand has opened shop in what is considered a bougie shopping mall in Nairobi.

You would have thought that they were selling their products at Sh6 seeing the way Nairobians thronged the place.

It’s not that the food is sourced from States or anything, it’s still regular ol’ local chicken with a few maridadi’s added here and there.

To be honest I think people should just start cooking their own food instead of courting the so-called ‘bougie’ diseases with fast food.

 Fake Things

So the beats by Dre headphones have hit the market and as usual the cheaper knock-off versions are available in the Moi Avenue stores.

The look just as good with about half the bass but cost less. Let’s not even start on the Ipods and Air Yeezy sneakers that are actually Iped and Air Yeetzy.

 Being shady means struggling to attain a certain look no matter what it takes — even if it means getting the fake version.

Even Rick Ross was snapped wearing fake Louis Vuitton shades on the cover of a magazine.

 Eating Habits

How you eat and where says a lot about you. You could be the ‘gistiest’ cat in the city but if you are prone to lipsmacking, talking with food in your mouth or shouting at the waiters, you are a shade.

Then there is the other breed of Kenyans who enjoy eating their Kenchic chips and kuku in the mat complete with salt and sauce being passed between them, I am ashamed that it’s often chicks who do this.

 Trying Too Hard

You know the chicks with the weaves, make-up, plastic looking heels, acrylic nails, contact lenses, shiny exhibition top... well them too.