Shocking suicides

By Njoki Karuoya

A parent’s pain when a child dies is unbearable, but how much more intense can that pain be when the death is through the child’s own hands?

Listening to the stories in the recent past of girls and boys killing themselves for one reason or another (mainly academic or relationships gone bad), I have wondered whether this is a new and worrying trend, or whether it has been happening in the past but we are just now beginning to cover it.

When a child as young as 12 years effectively terminates his or her own life, you wonder, just where did they get the idea to kill themselves? From the movies, cartoons, storybooks or their peers? Do they get exposed to the finality of death when they see it on the streets?

And when they commit suicide, do these children see the act as final or do they believe they will be able to wake up and continue living after all the bad stuff has passed, just like in cartoons?

Ego

The recent cases have made me recall my years as a pre-teen and teenager, and try to place when knowledge of suicide came upon my peers and I. It also made me wonder what could, at that age, make me want to commit suicide.

That’s when I realised that ego, or pride, is a very dangerous thing in children and if not monitored properly, it can turn tragic.

We generally tend to think that ego comes upon us as adults, or at the very least, when we become teenagers and changes occur to our bodies that make us want to hide until we are comfortable with them.

But the truth is, pride, which is a natural human feeling, comes upon us right from birth, when we believe we are the ‘apple’ of our parents’ eyes. This is why when another child joins the family, there is what is commonly referred to as sibling rivalry. In truth, it is about the older child fighting to safeguard his or her space in the parent’s heart.

Out in the world, this pride/ego is manifested in how the children play and how they choose, make and break friendships. You should hear the stories they tell others about themselves, their abilities, their parents, family possessions, schools, teachers, cousins etc. We rarely take this seriously, but all this is a child’s way of building his/her own image and brand. When this image is tarnished, the child’s self-confidence and perception of his/her public image is seriously dented or crushed.

Image

Every child wants to be successful and to be on top so he/she can be praised accordingly. This ego/pride thing in a child is fragile and anything negative can be psychologically damaging as the humiliation is just unbearable. Worse still is when the child becomes the focus of ridicule and taunting remarks — and we all know just how cruel children can be to their peers.

Like the Sprite advert claims, ‘Image is Everything’, especially to children. They want to appear smart, bright, strong, beautiful and wealthy. In school, they want to be the best. At home, they want to be cherished. When out playing with friends in the hood, they want to be exulted. So imagine the damage done when a child is forced to repeat class, or when they bragged they would be on top of their class only to be bottom, or near there, or to hope for a new dress so they can show off to their friends only for no dress to be bought…. what we consider little things really tick off these minors.

And so a lesson I have gained from the shocking suicides of children is that we have to appreciate their feelings and not consider them petty — to them they are not. I have begun to look at my daughter, nieces and nephews with a more sensitive eye, monitoring especially when they are sad and getting to the root of it — before it is too late.