Farmers who rely on human waste for manure oppose plans to increase toilet fee

Poop might hit the fan if the Nairobi City County government goes ahead with its plans to raise fees for using public toilets from Sh10 to Sh20. The decision to raise toilet charges has already been met with a lot of resistance from city farmers who use human waste as manure to grow vegetables.

“Doubling the cost of using a public loo to Sh20 stinks to high heaven,” lamented one angry-looking city farmer. “They are out to choke the life out of us!”

The city farmers argue that if the cost of pooping rises, their fortunes will consequently go up in smoke.

They argue that if the directive is effected, majority of people who work in the city but live in neighbouring counties will no longer relieve themselves in Nairobi City County, and instead do so in their counties of residence where it’s obviously affordable.

This will deny the city the all important human waste necessary for fertilising its vegetables.

Vegetable farmers

“That would mean that we would have no waste to work with... and our source of livelihood would be no more... “ lamented one city vegetable farmer. City residents who rely on the cheap vegetables they consume unsuspectingly (and who keep coming back for more because of their delightful and unique taste!), would also suffer.

The farmers who use ‘night soil’ are now said to be contemplating mass action if the Nairobi City County government does not rescind its unpoopular, sorry, unpopular decision. The farmers argue that the alternative they might be forced to seek is not affordable.

“We would have to resort to expensive fertilisers... this would make our produce expensive and out of reach for the majority of people... why buy when what we have been using was free and plentiful? “ posed one of the vegetable growers who will be negatively impacted.

Some of the vegetable growers opposed to the proposed hiked fees even see it as a conspiracy by fertiliser importers who want corner them into using their products.

“Imported fertiliser can’t compete with poop... it’s not as cheap and readily available... so they want to cause an artificial shortage of crap so that they can bring in their fertilisers!” cried one city farmer. But the toilet operators, who proposed the hike to the county government, say it is all justified. They are citing increased plumbing costs due to a rising number of clogged toilets.

This has been blamed on stressful lifestyles that are causing citywide constipation. “For now all we can advise Nairobians is to consider taking more roughage and fibre so that our toilets may clog less before the hike is approved or rejected!” pleaded one of the toilet operators.

Hunger strike

Other than the city’s vegetable farmers the other worried lot are those who frequently and regularly suffer from diarrhoea.

“Imagine if you visit the toilet more than ten times in a day after eating contaminated food... that will cost you more than two hundred shillings a day... perhaps four times more than the value of the food that initially made you sick!” complained one Nairobi resident who has vowed to reduce his food intake should the Nairobi City County government go ahead and hike crapping fees.

Besides eating less, others are considering even more drastic measures to force the Nairobi City County government to drop its bid to hike pooping fees.

“I think all of Nairobi residents should go on a hunger strike... and even water strike... and see whether the toilet operators will get any business!” suggested a resident of Nairobi.