Many departed teachers would riot in their graves and petition for eternal internment if they got wind of how impotent the cane has become in schools.
In days past, the cane was a teacher’s most trusted tool of trade, and many dispensed it generously. The Bible further inspired them, as it warns, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”
The cane was quite effective; it maimed a number of students and saw some terminate their dreams of learning.
I can still visualise Kitulu, a friend I went to primary school with, flying out of our Class Five window with his yellow school shirt flapping behind him like a sail. He then jumped over a fence that only an Olympic gold medalist like Yelena Isinbayeva can manage.
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It all started when our Maths teacher became suspicious about the ineffectiveness of his cane on the boy. An inspection of the suspect’s school uniform revealed a piece of mattress sewn onto the inside of the shorts. Kitulu did not wait to discover the reward for his ingenuity.
Nowadays, methods of punishment are as many as the number of teachers on the TSC payroll. But I believe Meta Meta Secondary School can bag the trophy for the most innovative methods. Madam Donatta would even earn a special mention.
Meta Meta has a forest of jacaranda trees whose flowers form a purple carpet on the ground. It is this carpet that Donatta tells troublesome students to sweep. Once swept, she orders other students to climb up the tree and shake the branches until no single flower is left. The ground must then be swept clean again.
ENTERPRISING
Her enterprising brains were fired by the disastrous results of an earlier popular form of punishment that saw Madam Schola seek compassionate leave.
Schola had ordered two noisy louts from Form 2G to seat under the teacher’s table. Carried away with her lesson on the Suez Canal, she was oblivious to the boys’ naughty antics.
Bored and restless, the two had discovered they could entertain themselves by peeping up Madam Schola’s skirt whenever she stood near them. The adventure was greatly aided by her trademark pair of high heeled shoes and a skirt sporting a generous slit.
Okonkwo, the principal, thanks to his annoying habit of peeping into rooms, saved the situation. He stormed into the classroom and summoned the pair to ‘The Hague’.
After a closed door session, the two walked out limping. A week later, a drawing depicting a woman in a pair of high-heeled shoes and a skirt with a giant slit was found in the staff room.
The obvious suspects were the Form 2G duo. Their exercise books were microscopically examined by the Meta Meta writing experts, led by Vasco Da Gama. But there was nothing incriminating.
Another popular punishment, asking for a roll of barbed wire from students who sneaked out of school, was banned by the county education director. A parent lodged a complaint at the county office, leading a team of education officers to descend on Meta Meta and unearth too many skeletons.
The Science and Humanities departments had no schemes of work, while a mega scandal was discovered in the bursar’s office. It took a number of trips to the county director’s office, and two to Nairobi, to have the matter ironed out.
Other forms of punishment, like ordering students who grabbed extra eggs during breakfast to bring an egg-laying hen to the school, were also abolished.
