MY MWEA LOVE TRIANGLE; This is the world, life is in Mwea.

I met this woman in 2006. She hails from Mbeere and women from there are known to love to death, literally. At least I know of two who committed suicide in unclear circumstances but I digress. A single mother of two, she lived in a single room in Mwea town and survived on odd jobs. I won't blow my trumpet but all that changed when she met me. My life too changed, she had cast a spell on me.

As a married man I knew I had to play it safe though I couldn't abandon this lady Wangary or my beloved wife Paloma. Her kids were very respectful and to date treat me as their real father. They had never met their biological father anyway. I'd bring them loads of foodstuffs and other gifts every so often until they grew very fond of me. As a truck driver, I easily found an excuse to be away from one woman for the other although both lived in Mwea town. I had severally contemplated ending my relationship with Wangary but in vain. Her bedroom expertise was legendary. Her neighbors accused her of having converted her house into a pig slaughterhouse. At one time the angry neighbors, most of them single ladies, threatened to expel her from the plot but the landlord readily saved her. Unlike all of them, Wangary paid her rent in advance. Of course it was I who paid. Their jealousy made them hatch an evil plan and reveal to my wife existence of the illicit love affair. They explained in details what times I visited Wangary and how I had transformed her within just two years at her expense. They advised her to act fast before her husband was snatched right before her eyes, and she believed them.

She stormed Wangary's grocery kiosk breathing fire and brimstone. On sensing danger, Wangary refused to get out of the kiosk when challenged for a duel. Her refusal, however, only served to confirm the allegations levelled against her. It thrust Paloma into a state of temporary madness. "Why don't you open that door you b***ch if you've nothing to hide?" She fumed. Like one possessed, she took stuff placed on the small table outside the kiosk and smashed them into a huge mess. While at it, she read her whole life history to all who cared to listen. She explained in details how we had met, our love life and the agony of betrayal. She even prayed for me and my endownment that was leading me astray to the consternation of by-standers. They had to plead with her when she threatened to strip. Paloma left but promised to return the following day, demolish the kiosk and show her rival a featherless quail.

The unfortunate event shook my Mpango to the core. She locked herself inside the kiosk for the rest of the day, thoroughly embarrassed. The devious neighbors watched the events unfold with orgasmic contentment. One of them even had the nerve to call and inform me that my wife was fighting an unknown combatant at a grocery shop along Kathoge Street. When I enquired for more information she hung and when I called back she refused to pick my call. Nonetheless, the mention of wife, fight, grocery shop and Kathoge in one sentence immediately sent alarm bells ringing in my mind. It was clear things had become elephant and I needed to act fast. Fortunately, I called a man who operated a barber shop next to Wangary's kiosk and he gave me a blow by blow account of what had transpired. He even sent me his sincere condolences! God bless men.

At that time many thoughts crossed my mind. What next for me? I'm I staring at my own end? But why should I worry about myself? Wangary was in trouble and she meant so much to me. It's her I should be worried about! Is that so really? I had brought  my wife a lot of pain and pecuniary embarrassment, isn't it her that I should be worrying about? But come to think of it, maybe I should be more worried about my relationship with God! When last had I been to the church? Had God removed the hedge around my vineyard?

Yet this wasn't the time to have so many worries but rather make quick decisions to get myself out of the quagmire, and that's what I did. The kiosk was practically mine. Besides giving out the money for stocking it I also provided transport for bulky commodities from the neighboring towns using the company truck. It was Wangary's lifeline. How could I allow anyone to destroy it? Never. Our two year union had transformed Wangary into the most gorgeous woman South of Kirimari town and North of the Seven Fork Dams. Just when I was starting to enjoy the fruits of my labor and now this? No way. I had to stand with her during those trying moments (and most definitely beyond). Her termite figure, chocolate complexion and bedroom antics were enough to tithe for! What other blessings do men pray for? I wondered. Besides she was a respectful and cheerful lady with an infectious laughter. We had never quarelled even once. A rare gem indeed. I could panda-mbegu to have her by my side forever. God bless Wangary.

But what am I talking about? My dear Paloma had loved me when I was a mere turn boy. A tout in a matatu plying Nairobi's Route 46 to Kawangware! I had only a small cubicle for a house and lived on less than two dollars a day. She had overlooked all that and worked with dedication for five years as a faithful wife. What I call my home is by any definition hers. She developed it from scratch and my only contribution, money, could at best be lying in a bank account or most likely flushed down a bar urinal. I had become a model farmer in the village courtesy of her and at one time a big Farmers' Field Day had been held in my farm during which I won a trophy! She was my trusted companion and home maker. I loved her so much. What stranger was worth my defense in a case pitting them against her? Absolutely NONE.

Who had cast a spell in my little world? Could I just watch it crumble before my own eyes? Nope. Who am I? I was determined to salvage the situation. I'll get over it unscathed, I promised myself. When I got back to Mwea from Nairobi that evening I didn't alert any of my women. I went straight to Makuti Pub and called in my boys to help me come up with a recovery strategy. It was simple; the two women had never met before. We were to assign Wangary a "wealthy-looking husband" with whom we'd confront my wife and demand an apology. He had to be from a different tribe in order to create quite a scene when complaining loudly in his language and threatening us with unspecified consequences. Daktari Musyoka easily fitted the bill and agreed to offer his "services" in exchange for four beers. But we knew Paloma was no fool and could easily unmask us. To make the plan fool-proof, we had to rope in a revered figure and who else but my mother!

I drove straight to my mother's house and informed her of the sacrilege that my wife had committed by attacking someone's wife following some silly gossip. As a result, I informed her, my life and that of my wife were now  in danger! The antagonized man had threatened us with dire consequences if we don't resolve the issue immediately. As planned, Musyoka called and repeated the "threats" as I put the phone on loudspeaker. God bless mothers. She was deeply moved. In five minutes' time, she was lecturing my wife on how a prudent wife should treat gossips. Just then, Musyoka called again this time wailing. My mother picked the call, apologized profusely and requested that he meets us the following day at "his wife's" kiosk at eight. You should have seen the scene Musyoka created! But when he kissed Wangary to prove his love my heart skipped a beat. The fool was clearly overstepping his mandate! Hadn't he taken his four beers? Nonetheless, the scoundrel managed to convince everyone that he'd been gravely offended. He demanded double the amount of damages caused and an immediate apology. My mother ordered my wife to apologize and I to pay the damages which we  promptly did.  Thereafter I had two uninterrupted days with Wangary and boys for postmortem and way forward.

Slowly I disentangled myself from her spell, but she never gave up on me to date. Maybe the new marriage bill allowing polygamy will help her. As my grandmother used to say in Spanish; yno ny nthy. utuuro wy Mwea, This is the world, life's in Mwea.