She is HIV-positive but I took her as wife Number 2

By LUCY MARONCHA

Why would a HIV-negative man marry a HIV-positive woman as his second wife, knowing full well that he and his first wife are at risk of being infected? Well, they say love can make you do strange things.

Daniel Enjo is happily married to Electine Malesi and Dorothy Isaidi. Electine is HIV-positive, but Daniel and Dorothy are not. When he married her, Daniel was aware of this fact, but saw it as no obstacle to wedded bliss.

And, contrary to the fire-breathing reaction one would expect from his first wife, Dorothy supported his decision. Their polygamous union has been going strong for eight years.

This ‘in sickness and in health’ story reads like a movie script.

Electine had been Daniel’s girlfriend in their high school days. Though the two are from Ikolomani Constituency within Kakamega County, like many youngsters, they did not bother to know each other’s homes.

Lost Touch

When they completed their secondary education, Daniel was admitted to the National Youth Service in Nairobi and had to leave Electine behind. Like many young sweethearts, the two lost touch as their lives took different paths.

When they met again, 21 years later, Electine was infected with HIV and ailing. But the embers of their first love were reignited and though Daniel was already married, not even HIV would stop him from marrying his long-lost girlfriend.

“Though she was ill and frail when I bumped into her in Kibera, where she was working as a HIV treatment coordinator, I felt like I had found a long lost treasure,” Daniel says.

The 48-year-old confesses that he started dating someone else, then got married, when he could not trace Electine, and had given up hope of ever finding.

On the other hand, Electine, now 46, had been in an abusive marriage She says her husband was irresponsible and violent, and kicked her out when she started ailing. So when she bumped into Daniel, she desperately needed love and care.

Intense Love

“I thought I was unlovable in that state,” Electine remarks, adding that she loved Daniel so much that at first she declined his marriage proposal lest she infect him and his first wife, Dorothy.

When he persisted, the two met Dorothy and explained the circumstances to her. Though, like Daniel puts it, it was not a-walk-in-the-park telling his wife that he wanted to marry a woman infected with HIV, she finally accepted Electine, and today, his two wives are the best of friends!

“Electine and I are very close,” 38-year-old Dorothy confirms.

She admits that it was not easy to consent to her husband’s second marriage, but it did not take her long to realise that the love between Daniel and Electine was intense and genuine.

“Besides, Electine is someone any woman would want for a co-wife; she has never put her interests ahead of our family,” Dorothy says in a phone interview.

The mother of four is a community health worker, and adds that through her work, she has come to understand the value of a support system for patients managing a life-threatening illness, so she tries to help her co-wife as much as possible.

Though HIV is no longer the dreaded disease it used to be when it was first discovered in Kenya more than three decades ago, the fact that one’s sexual partner has tested positive for the virus is still unwelcome. Things are especially dramatic if the other party is negative, and could prompt a run for the hills, for fear of being infected or being associated with a person living with HIV.

To save breaking marriages and stop blame games in homes and societies, many organisations have given extensive education to families, religious groups and the general public to ensure that the concept of HIV transmission, prevention and treatment is well comprehended.

While some people have embraced the discordant concept, others still suspect their spouses of having had questionable sexual morals before, after or during their marriage. Some religions find it abominable to even speak about discordance, especially in cases where the woman tests positive for HIV.

These are some of the misconceptions that Daniel and his family are trying to help the community dismiss.

Dorothy advises that polygamous families have regular health check-ups because if one person is infected, not only with HIV but any sexually transmitted infection, all the others are at risk.

In her community, where polygamy is rife, she has taken it upon herself to educate people in such unions, as well as those with such intentions, on the dos and don’ts of a polygamous relationship.

“I use my family’s example to show people that it is possible to live in a discordant and polygamous relationship where everyone is safe,” says Dorothy who also tends the family farm.

“My co-wife is a community health worker in Ikolomani and she calls me regularly to find out how I’m doing,” Electine confirms, stressing that her greatest role in the relationship is to ensure that her husband and co-wife remain HIV-negative.

“I’m hoping to move from Nairobi, where I live with our husband, and join Dorothy in the village, so that I can help her with the farm work as well as her campaign to prevent HIV infection among polygamous families.”

Electine has two sons from her first marriage, whom Daniel adopted into his family of three sons and a daughter. They, however, do not have children together because Electine has had health challenges that rendered her infertile. But the two believe that true love does not need to be seasoned with children.

“Loving and supporting each other is what counts,” says Daniel.

The instructor at a security firms says his greatest challenge arises when opportunistic infections threaten Electine.

He and his first wife ensure that Electine eats a balanced diet and takes her medication as required to prevent these infections. His advice to men living in discordance is that they should not complicate life but obey the doctor’s instructions.

Electine adds that people in discordant relationships should embrace support, love and care. She says that this does not apply to the infected party alone, because they should also help their spouses to remain negative: “I ensure our husband and my co-wife go for regular check-ups as a sign of my love and care for them.”

It took a lot of counseling before the three could settle down into what is now their normal routine. Daniel says the fact that both his wives are community health workers made things easier.

“I have embraced protected sex so that I protect my infected wife from re-infection and also protect myself and my other wife from infection,” he says.

Kenya National AIDS & STI Control Programme (Nascop) deputy director Peter Cherutich says the Government needs to invest more in education regarding sex and family planning among discordant couples.

“There are 350,000 discordant couples in Kenya,” the doctor says. “If education on discordance is embraced, there will be minimal new HIV infections in a few years’ time.”