Guide children to the right path

By Pastor M

My then girlfriend and I used to visit a young couple with a rather hyperactive six-year-old daughter, who was prone to throwing tantrums at a moment’s notice. Just as we were getting into our conversation on a particular visit, the girl began to raise her voice, demanding attention and the atmosphere tensed up. But this time, the outcome was completely different from what we had come to expect. Her dad looked her in the eye and said a single word calmly and with authority, ‘No!’. To our amazement, the girl calmed down immediately.

Welcome to the complex world of parenting today! Many in my generation grew up in traditional homes where children were meant to be seen, not heard. Parents ruled the home with an iron fist and punishment was regularly meted on offenders with belts, slippers and, in some cases ,slaps and even more extreme measures. Open disobedience was unimaginable and parents were feared and obeyed unquestioningly.

This model worked for generations until the support structure of the extended family broke down and the result was children being isolated from their parents. It often became abusive in the hands of parents who were ill equipped to bring up children in the new setting of the city.

Much of today’s parenting practice is a reaction against the negative extremes of traditional parenting. Starting in the 1960s and 1970s, many parents in the West stopped depending on age-old techniques and wisdom to bring up their children, but instead began relying on the teachings of modern psychology with its focus on self-esteem. As usual, with time, these trends made their way to the developing world. But clearly, they too have their shortcomings.

Understand the goal

Who has not witnessed a child screaming as they demand something from their embarrassed parent in the supermarket aisle? Or had a panic attack when your friends mention they want to pass by your house with their not-so-well behaved children? The modern ideal of busy working parents, who delegate almost the entire upbringing of their children to maids and drivers, has only served to complicate the matter. The result of modern parenting techniques is pampered, insecure, demanding and out-of-control children with short attention spans and a sense of entitlement.

The problem with children is that they don’t come with instructions, yet how we bring them up is extremely important, not just for the future of the home, but that of our nation. This sacred duty has huge, generational consequences, yet few people study or prepare for it.

The good book in Proverbs 22:6 encourages us to, “direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it”. But how exactly should we do this?

An important part of that answer is understanding the goal for raising our children. All parents must bear in mind that we are equipping our children to be independent, productive citizens who live purposeful, value-based lives that positively impact others.

Pastor M is a leadership coach, author and the senior pastor at Mavuno Church. Follow him on twitter @muriithiw or like his Facebook page, ‘Pastor M’