Hi Chris!
My latest boyfriend's a lot of fun, but he's also very hard work. He's forever rushing around, hugely emotional, and always wants to be the centre of attention.
I'd like for us to have a successful relationship, but it's proving difficult. Any suggestions?
Attention Seeking
Chris says,
Hi, Attention Seeking!
It sounds like your boyfriend might have one of the 'dramatic' personality disorders that are fun to date, but awful to live with!
He's driven by a need for attention, and endlessly striving to make an impression. But you'll eventually discover that underneath he's as hard as nails. And will drop you in an instant once he's spotted another potential victim.
He's entirely led by his emotions. He experiences them very intensely but doesn't understand them, or your reactions to them. His world's all in the here and now, and full of immediate impressions. So he can't make plans and is constantly rushing around and late for everything.
He's like a bad actor in a TV show, and can really lay on the drama if things don't go his way.
He sees everything in black and white, including your relationship. So when you fall out, he'll never realise that he might bear some of the responsibility for what went wrong.
Instead, everything will always be your fault. And yet none of this is a sham. He really does experience the world like that. His mood will change from minute to minute, depending on the attention he's getting. Even though to you it all seems way out of proportion.
When you first met, his behaviour probably suggested depth and excitement, intense friendship, and passion. But the reality's different.
It's important that you understand his behaviour for what it is. Because it won't be long before he starts treating you like dirt. He'll find ways of making you so angry you wouldn't believe it.
So stay under control, because he'll never understand that it's his behaviour that's setting you off. And it's very unlikely that he'll ever change.
Definitely one of those people you should never marry.
All the best,
Chris
