A while ago I wrote about telephone etiquette, an article which resulted in such huge feedback that it got me thinking that Kenyans do want to hear more about how people should behave rather than only complain about how they do actually behave. The whole subject of etiquette can be described in several sub-sets.
Other than telephone manners, there is social etiquette, dining etiquette, tipping etiquette, gift giving etiquette, business etiquette, office etiquette, netiqutte – which is how to behave over the internet – and of course, the ultimate queen subject of manners – title etiquette. The most common example of title etiquette is when to use Mister, Miss, Mrs or Ms. The history of these designations is interesting; One expert expounds on what she refers to as ‘Mistory’ a nickname for the history of the genesis of the title "Mistress". The feminine word for "Mister", it is marital status neutral and refers to both married and unmarried women. In Victorian times, "Mistress" was split to distinguish the marital status of women: "Miss" referred to unmarried women and "Mrs" for married women. Many women now prefer to be called "Ms" regardless of their marital status as it is similar to Mr which doesn’t differentiate between single and married men. Note also that Mistress is rarely used today, probably because the term may have a completely different meaning! Lack of information on title etiquette often results in what the more sophisticated may call a ‘faux pas, tres terrible’. In Kenyan speak, we would call it tabia mbaya (bad manners)! Unfortunately those who commit ‘no-no’ examples of title bad manners do so not only from lack of information and mannerisms but often from an inflated ego or a sense of exaggerated grandiose and misplaced arrogance. One of the most important lessons I learned in the Ninth Parliament from former Speaker of the National Assembly, Francis Xavier Ole Kaparo, was that the foremost rule of Parliamentary etiquette for Members of Parliament, is never to refer to oneself as Honourable.
True that this title and that of ‘Mheshimiwa’ are common references for our elected representatives, but only if the voters and constituents so wish.
Such title may never be given by an MP to him or herself as it is a common principle of good manners that one cannot honour themselves. Such honour is bestowed by the citizen as a sign of acknowledgement of gratitude and respect of the office they believe their MP has brought through able representation. So if your MP introduces himself or herself as ‘the Honourable so and so....’ s/he commits the most terrible bad manners and usurps the right of those s/he represents to adjudge him/her.
Similarly, in academia etiquette, a professor or PhD, holder may not refer to themselves as Prof or Dr; the accepted practice is to introduce oneself by first name and surnames. The academic titles may only be used by others; again as a sign of respect. The only person who may refer to themselves directly as doctor is the medical practitioner; however a medical doctor who is celebrated and considered a cutting edge skilled specialist in the profession is referred to as Mr not Dr. In Africa, unlike the West, parents must be called by their given Mama or Baba identities and certainly one may not under any circumstance, call their mother or father-in-law by first name!
The writer is an advocate of the High Court.
