By Kiundu Waweru and Kenan Miruka

It is early afternoon. The harsh sun has baked the paths that are deserted in this stifling heat. The wind blows occasionally billowing hot dust onto sweaty brows. But on entering Mzee Murage Muchiri’s compound in Kiambu, a cool breeze is welcome respite.

Once they settle abroad, many women take up jobs as baby sitters, domestic workers or the aged’s minders.

Murage is tending his well-maintained cypress hedge. Indigenous trees line the compound and surround the sprawling bungalow. This looks like a dream home — cool, serene, happy. Murage looks over his shoulder, sees the visitors and goes back to clipping the hedge.

After much convincing, Murage agrees to talk to the Sunday Magazine and sits his visitors under a cedar tree. A young woman, his niece, shyly serves cold pineapple juice. After we praise the mzee for a beautiful home, he stares into space for a long time, then a dreamy smile creases his face and he says, "All this is useless. This compound should be full of children and grandchildren. An old man like me should surround himself with family…"

At this point, his voice breaks with emotion. The 68-year-old retired civil servant is a victim of the Kenyan dream to live and work in America. His four children had flown to America while he and his wife were still working. His wife was a teacher and when they both retired, their children abroad cajoled them to go visit.

Retired men are being left in Kenya in loneliness while their wives extend visits abroad.

"We were issued with visas valid for six months. I was bored on the first day in America. Being the winter season, we had nothing to do but watch endless stupid cartoons with our grandchildren as we ate tasteless chicken. Towards the end of our stay, one of our daughters gave birth. It was decided behind my back that our visas should be prolonged so that my wife could stay and nurse our daughter and, later, baby sit for her when she went back to work as these services are very expensive there."

Murage says on learning about the arrangement, he was livid. He could not wait to get back home to tend his fields and livestock.

"I flew back home and left my wife behind. Then, my last-born son was in high school. Later, he went to university, is now working and has children of his own. I have begged him to come live with me but he will not hear of it," says Murage who now lives with his niece.

Never Lacks Anything

He says his family in America remits money home and he never lacks anything. But obviously he is not happy. It is 13 years since his wife left. "They always say they are coming this Christmas. I sit here facing the gate and hoping…"

Pictures sent from abroad portray a perfect life, creating a desire for older women to live it.

There are many men and some women in circumstances similar to Murage’s. Many young people seek further education abroad every year. After graduating, some never come back home, opting to live and work there. And when they settle, they send for their parents some of who also choose not to come back.

Mary Mainga, a retired teacher, left to visit her grandchildren in the US in 1997 and is yet to return. She left behind one child with her husband.

Her children have since been deported back to Kenya but she remains in America. Her husband, Mr Mainga, later went to the US for a visit that lasted less than a month and returned home — alone. He now keeps himself busy with local politics but his family has suffered a blow from which it may not recover.

Waigi Kahugu, 62, was also left behind by his wife ten years ago. She had gone to attend her daughter’s graduation ceremony and never came back. Sipping beer at a bar near his home, Kahugu is a bitter man. He drinks every day, perhaps to drown his sorrows. But unlike Murage, he is lucky that he has some of his children living with him. However, he is angry.

"I wish they had all left for America. All they do is drink. Their mother and sister send them money believing it is fees for college or business. But they see no need to engage in any business since they get free money from abroad," Waigi says.

Having spent most of his life with his wife beside him, it was hard for him to adjust to a life where he relied on his college-going daughters for everything. Thus, he saw the need to remarry, which he did, in the process sowing a seed of hatred and rebelliousness in his children.

Mother Wasn’t Coming Back

"I built my new wife a house but it was hard for my children to accept her. But when they too realised their mother was not coming back, they learnt to accept her. I pity them, for all they think about is also ‘flying out’, as they call it," he says.

Most wives go abroad with good intentions such as to further studies or to visit their relatives. They leave with a promise to return but often, this is not the case.

Onderi, a politician and medical doctor was elated when his wife got the opportunity to go to the US for further studies, leaving their two daughters with him.

Onderi later learned his wife had got married again abroad. The two severed links and, although the woman maintains communication with her daughters, their relationship is strained.

The determination of some spouses to remain abroad at all costs raises several questions. It could be that they prefer to distance themselves from their ways of life in Kenya.

And certainly the West is more ‘woman friendly’ than Kenya. Cases abound of African women seeking asylum in the US because they fear being subjected to female circumcision and other traditions repugnant to modern women.

Moraa’s aunt, then aged 50, left for the US 15 years ago to attend her son’s graduation.

She stayed behind after the ceremony to take care of her grandchild as her daughter-in-law resumed duty. She is yet to come back even for a short visit. "When her mother died two years ago, we decided to trick her into staying here. The plan was to hide her passport. She didn’t come," says Moraa.

"She has embarrassed the whole family as she went ahead to marry an old American. Even her sons abroad are ashamed of her.

She has completely cut off communication with us," she says.

The Sunday Magazine identified many other families affected by the ‘elder migration bug’. Some were unwilling to share their experiences. During the interviews it was apparent that older women adjust more easily than the men in the new environment, especially if their daughters abroad have children. They are left to take care of the children and neighbours’ children, for a handsome fee.

Also, the women readily work in the many homes for the aged — jobs Americans shun and many African men will not do. Although women are the majority deserters, some middle-aged men travel abroad, never to come back. Others even remarry and, even though they send money back home religiously, a gap is left and felt.