Avoiding peer pressure

Dr Margaret Mwenje

Peer pressure is literally the pressure from one’s peers to behave like them or in a manner that is acceptable to them. It can be a negative force in the lives of children, often resulting in acts of violence, experimenting with illegal drugs and alcohol, extreme clothing and hair styles and body piercing. Many people don’t have a clear reason for doing what they do. They simply do it because of peer pressure.

Some people fall victim to peer pressure because they want to fit in. They want to have the sense of belonging to a certain group and don’t want to be the odd ones out. So, they just follow the crowd and dress, drink and behave like everybody else. They want to be liked and appreciated by their peers.

Curiosity also causes peer pressure. Somebody may say: "Everyone is doing it." As a result, you might think it is a good thing. This kind of person will easily give in to peer pressure and behave like ‘everyone’ else. He won’t care about his personal values as long as he gets to feel what everybody is feeling.

You don’t have to keep following and doing what everybody is doing. Remember you have your own identity. You have your own name; your name is not everybody. Therefore, you should be doing things that you know are good for you as an individual.

Pay attention to your own feelings. Do you feel right about the things you are doing? How do you feel about yourself since you started conforming to the outside pressure? Are you proud of yourself? Use your own judgement and pay close attention to your conscience.

Develop your self-confidence and inner strength. These two traits will help you stand firm, and walk away from peer pressure. Be strong-minded and refuse to give in. Know what you stand for. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.

Strong Personalities

Peer pressure usually comes from people with very strong personalities. Since their personalities are strong, they tend to impose their beliefs and ideas on other people easily.

Thus, you need to stay strong and stand up for what you believe is right.

Many people think that saying yes to everybody will make them more likable. Saying yes every time does not necessarily make you a good friend. People know a ‘yes man’ has problems standing on his own.

People who are easily influenced by peer pressure are confused and unsure of themselves. There might be a situational problem that you are unsure how to handle and if there is some peer pressure to try a quick fix method, you might be tempted to yield. When you are confused about something, talk to a positive mentor, counsellor, teacher or parent. Get some wise counsel from people who are out to see you do well.

Look for friends with similar values as yours. These are friends who will hold you accountable. They will help you to grow towards your desired destiny. Remember if you hang out with losers, you will end up being one.

I wish I knew

Take time when making your decisions — meditate about it; give it considerable thought. Avoid saying, ‘I wish I knew’, because this is never helpful. Think about the consequences of your behaviour. Are you willing to live with these consequences happily?

It is easy to get a tattoo on your body but it is never easy to remove it when you feel it is embarrassing or you simply don’t want it.

Parents, establish and maintain good communication with your children so that you can get to know what is going on. Nurture their self-esteem so that they don’t go elsewhere to get it. Talk openly and honestly about peer pressure, sex and drugs. Be an involved parent to avoid surprises.

margaretmwenje@yahoo.com