The biggest headache for women today is getting a suitor; if you throw a stone in town today, chances are you will hit a pretty lady in her mid or late twenties looking for someone to settle down with. The question, therefore, is, why is she single? The answer can be traced to various aspects of society arising from social trends existing today; social trends keep changing, and this has affected the forms of relationships different people want to have.

British sociologist Catherine Hakim first coined the term erotic capital in the early 2000s, which later came to be known as the sexual market value (SMV). Women hit their sexual market value pick at the age of 23 or thereabout; it is what a lady does during this period that defines her entire relationship journey. During this period, an average woman will be hit on left right and centre; this sometimes gets into their heads, taking away objectivity, thus robbing them of the ability to make sound decisions. Unfortunately, in most cases, objectivity is picked later in life when it’s too late for some. Though spoken in undertones, the fact that men are attracted to the mature well put together lady is almost an open secret. Apart from physical beauty, which most modern mature women seem to have mastered, their level of patience and ability to engage in a constructive conversation in a calm manner speaks to the hearts of many gentlemen. This notwithstanding, the ability of the mature woman to have a long-term fulfilling relationship with a man depends on so many factors beyond the looks and the ability to engage in a nice thought-provoking conversation. So what does the mature woman get right?

The confidence and patience

The older woman has been there done that; she knows herself; she understands her limits and needs no man to validate her. She is patient and knows what to say when; she is calm and seems to have overcome the pressure to push a man into settling down, which in turn creates ‘safe haven’ for a man. Dating a woman who is a stone throw past her SMV pick point comes with set pressures; they want to settle down ‘now’ which means getting matched vitenges for the ruracio, a lavish white wedding and so many other small things with the potential to upset a man’s balance in life. They are also impulsive and have less control over their emotions, largely due to the fact that they are in the early stages of the learning curve. The mature lady understands that the way to catch a fly is not to chase it around but to stay calm, and the fly will land on you. Men cherish the peace of mind; “in a disturbed mind, as in a body in the same state, health cannot exist”-Marcus Tullius Cicero.

Refined tastes and mannerisms

There is something sexy about consistency and having an identity that stems deep down from self-consciousness and awareness. It takes time to know oneself, and once that is achieved, it becomes easier to communicate the same and also appreciate other people’s desires. They say men are born hunters and gathers and as such, they always want to know what to expect, a lady with refined tastes and manners sets the standards for whoever feels ‘man enough’ to go ahead and shoot their shot. The younger woman is often all over the place trying everything under the sun; this can be confusing to a suitable suitor, especially in situations where dreams and desires do not converge. “It is not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It is what we do consistently”-Anthony Robbins.

Independence and self-reliance

Neyo, the famous R&B singer in his track Miss Independent, says, “oh is something about kinda woman that want you but don’t need you… she got her own thing, that’s why I love her,” and I can’t agree with him more. The mature lady understands what she wants, and most importantly, she will let you know; and that she will do in a respectful manner. This sets the ground rules of engagement from the onset and eliminates unnecessary tensions and conflicts that tend to arise later in a relationship and often lead to heartbreaks. The fact that the mature lady probably has an established career gives her freedom to express herself without necessarily being clingy. This also puts her in a better position to genuinely appreciate a man’s drive and ambitions and offer guidance where necessary; sometimes, all a man needs is encouragement and support. For the men equal to the challenge, my advice is that you step up and show some initiative.

Maturity and toxic feminism

The saying goes, ‘you don’t worry about fitting in when you custom made’ with maturity comes a level of self-awareness and belief. From time immemorial, every society and culture has gender role expectations, which varies from one group to the other and can also change within the same group over time. Heredity and environment directly impact personality development and character of an individual. Considering the fact that no one chooses where to be born, all of us carry some baggage that can be traced from factors beyond our control. However, it is expected that as one progresses in life, then they must find a way to shade off traits and beliefs that do not add value. It is, therefore, safe to conclude that no woman is born a toxic feminist, it is acquired. Mature ladies are at a point where they have successfully shed off all the negativity they acquired along the way and are in a position to appreciate the quality time and genuine efforts of a man. Of importance to note, maturity is not when we start speaking big things, but when we start understanding small things. In any broken relationship, there are always two things present: poor communication and unrealistic expectations.

Inner peace and acceptance

In the new thought philosophy, the law of attraction holds that good attracts good and bad attracts bad; positive thoughts bring positive experiences and opportunities in one’s life, and the opposite is true. There is power in letting go, forgive and accept what you cannot change; do not face life with a heart full of resentment because it will bog you down. Let go! At the end of the day, we accept the love we think we deserve; this only a mature soul understands. In the words of Buddha, “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace within ourselves.”