Love, is a four letter word that many use to suit their desired outcome, a concept sought by humanity yet many times seems fleeting.
Love begins as a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person and must graduate from feelings to actions if that relationship is to thrive.
In marriage, we commit to love each other as we both shall live, easier said than done!
We must purpose to love unconditionally and selflessly if we are to achieve the love levels we seek.
Love, unfortunately, is not something you can include on your shopping list. It is an individual’s way of life in thought and deed and one reaps in abundance only if they sowed and tended to their seed.
I have met several individuals who do not feel loved enough or understood by their partners. This state of affairs causes them much anxiety and discontent in life, enduring the relationship instead of enjoying it.
After over 30 years of marriage and many years of relationship coaching, I am convinced that Garry Chapman’s articulation of the language of love is not only correct but when exercised has a liberating and fulfilling effect on most relationships.
As a younger woman, I too often desired to experience affection in more ways than my partner cared to offer, it was very frustrating. It was not until I read Garry’s book, that was a graciously gift that transformed not only my thinking but my relationships. It became clear to me what the needs that I was struggling with was simply expression of language.
I had a specific love language that was not being met and when it was eventually met, my relationships were greatly enriched. This season, it will be helpful to know and understand how you can feel loved and valued and how your partner as well can feel the same.
The need to be accepted makes us crave to feel loved. Love and acceptance is a basic need, according to Psychologist Abraham Maslow which must be met. It is, therefore, of paramount importance to understand how to communicate love to significant others effectively.
Words of affirmation
If you are consistently verbally affirming others around you, it is most likely that you understand affirmation as your love language, and you too require to be affirmed in order to thrive.
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Many would say, I know it only too well because my primary language of love is affirmation, said Janet. If words of affirmation is not your primary love language, it is easy to dismiss it expecting that your partner obviously knows how you feel about them.
I remember hearing a joke of a husband saying, “I told her I loved her on our wedding day is that not enough? Believe me, if anything changes, she will be the first to know.” Complements, kind words, and little encouragements often go a long way.
Do you often complain that your significant other never acknowledges your strengths? Are you often frustrated when you are not affirmed; told how much you are loved, appreciated, adored, admired and valued?
Do you crave to be commended for what you do on a daily basis? Or could it be that it is not you but your partner who constantly needs commendation. If this is the case then words of affirmation is your language of love.
While it’s helpful to know the love languages that come most naturally to you, it’s even more important to understand the love language that is important to your partner. Begin a journey of discovery and find out what makes your partner tick.
The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, |Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke
