By Tracy Mcmillan
God knows there are difficult women out there. Women who are — at times — shallow, bitchy, selfish, dishonest and, of course, crazy. But your problem is not that these women exist; your problem is that you’re trying to date them. Here’s why:
The bitch
What makes her attractive: She’s a go-getter. She’s sassy. She’s a challenge. And, often, she makes money. What’s underneath that: The bitch is all about anger. Often, she’s been hurt out there in the world and she’s developed a tough exterior — and sometimes interior — to protect herself. What dating her says about you: There are two ways this can go. You can be attracted to the bitch because she expresses the anger you can’t, won’t or don’t allow yourself to express — which often means you’re ‘a nice guy’. Or she just reflects (and usually amplifies) your own anger back to you. If you’re the kind of guy who’s known for knock-down drag-outs with his girlfriends, or maybe gets into a bar fight every once in a while, this is definitely you.
The sexpot
What makes her attractive: Duh. She’s hot. And she’s willing. What’s underneath that: A woman who knows how hot she is and has spent most of her life and relationships controlling men with her sexuality. What dating her says about you: I know all men are attracted to ‘hot’, available women. But only a specific kind of guy is actually trying to get into a relationship with a woman who wears Lucite heels — or just vibes likes she’s wearing them. You know you’re this guy if sometimes you just wish you could be the kind of guy who could settle down with a ‘regular’ woman and get it over with — but you know deep down, you just can’t.
The gold digger
What makes her attractive: She’s a trophy. Incredibly well put together, she’s the kind of girl who, when you’re with her, makes you wish you could run into your ex. What’s underneath that: The gold digger thinks like an asset manager — how can she use what you want to get what she wants. What dating her says about you: If you’re attracted to trophy wife material, you go for only eights, nines or tens. You’re most likely also a “King of the World” type who believes all women are just out for (your) money. If this is you, women are just another resource to be mined or commodity to be traded. So it makes sense that you attract (and are attracted to) women who leverage their own assets in the hopes they’ll be able to exploit yours.
The mess
What makes her attractive: She’s often charmingly childlike and adorable, and unlike a lot of other women, she really needs you. And that feels good. What’s underneath that: She’s in trouble. She’s an alcoholic, she’s in debt, she’s bananas, or she’s got daddy issues the size of Montana. What dating her says about you: Whatever she’s got going on, you imagine you’re going to fix it, and that makes you feel powerful.
And women who can take care of themselves don’t make you feel like that. If the messy woman is your jam, there’s a strong possibility that you feel kind of chaotic inside but can’t allow yourself to acknowledge that -- it would be too embarrassing (even to yourself) -- so instead you find a messy girl and try to clean her up. Either that, or your mom was a disaster. Either way, therapy would be a really good thing for you.
