After hours of pleasure, days of laughter, nights of passion and a few weeks of bliss, what began with gusto of a hurricane can sink like the legendary Titanic, writes GARDY CHACHA

When two people start a relationship, many important behavioural ethics are left to dance in the ripples as the dhow of love rows on.

Have you ever felt the ecstatic, warm, megalo-euphoric pangs of love that encroach all the pleasure zones of your brain and in the process blocking its overall functionality? Probably yes.

Dating, like many other social activities, has undergone evolution to fit within the frame of modernity and demands of life. The trouble is, when you fall hard and fast, you aren’t really falling for him/her, because you don’t even know him/her yet. Instead, you’re falling for the ideal man/woman in your imagination, who you’re hoping he or she will be.

Janet Wangeci first fell in love at the age of 21 with a 28-year-old working class guy. Like most women, she gave it her all; calling the guy every now and then, writing on his Facebook wall, spending many nights at his place, washing his clothes, cooking for him and doing just about everything to be close to him; at all times. At some point, he began recoiling and being fidgety about their relationship.

Ironically, the more he pulled away from her the more intense the urge was to bring him close in an attempt to cement the relationship. Eventually, after hours of pleasure, days of laughter, nights of passion, and a few weeks of bliss, what begun with the gusto of a hurricane sank like the legendary Titanic.

Most of us know the heart as just an organ that buoys with pulse, revitalised through a simple pumping mechanism. Conventional ‘female’ wisdom knows better; it’s not just an organ, but also an enclosure where the current of love magnetises the zest of life.

Giving all

Falling in love in a free-fall style has a darn effect. Like a shock wave, the feeling is not good when it’s all blocked by a wall.

Professional counsellor Millicent Omukaga says: “This happens mostly to women who are immature, superficial or not sure of their identities and self worth. So they hope to cover it up in the name of ‘love’.

“They get occupied with the immediate romantic gratification without considering the medium and long term implications of a love relationship.”

The thought of being loved provokes a certain naiveté in women. They let go of all the shock absorbing springs they could fall back to, in the event that things go awry.

It’s not only Wangeci who has experienced this ‘familiar’, but homeopathic situation. Many women will fall in this abyss of uncertainty oblivious of how clumsy it could get when they don’t tread carefully. Not that men are heartless morons only looking for a way into a woman’s pants; they can’t handle the pressure of having to text back, email back and tweet back the same person every hour of the day and still see them at night.

Jody Kirigha had to terminate his relationship with an overtly over-enthusiastic young and beautiful woman when she wouldn’t stop pelting him with texts, calls and frequent visits.

“I felt like my usual life had been taken away. In its place was a woman with no clear description, and it seemed more of an illusion than real life,” he says.

Men absorb the prospects of a relationship in ounces. They require time to sink slowly and learn to conform to the new feeling. Like termites, they’ll rush back to their cocoons of safety when they realise they are ‘on bait’ by a raccoon.

The painful part of falling for a man head first is that it might develop into an obsession. The rollercoaster of emotions is palpable and numb to the last detail.

Issues of the heart are convoluted. Beyond physical attraction,  a fulfilling love relationship has a strong emotional attachment that is only developed over time by knowing each other well, says Omukaga.

Heartsick

In the end we all know the truth;  that swelling feeling in the chest is the universal sensation we have when the heart is expressing love. Conversely, that sinking feeling in the chest is the heart wrenching sensation we get when our love seems unreciprocated. It is then that our hearts get broken; we become literally “heartsick”.

Men, like their genitalia, make a lot of noise about love, but after intercourse their intentions are fairly obvious. The heart loves, but it’s prone to many mistakes, the lungs can only provide the breath of life and the other organs, almost at all, don’t associate with love.

In the end, the brain — though it does not love — is the only organ that can tell us the truth on what to do and when.

They say it’s never that serious, but it is so serious... the brain has to be involved.