By Allan Olingo
After the Mututho law that brought new lingo for happy alcohol consumers, some new rules are in order for the now popular 'chips funga' culture prevalent in cities. The young at heart call it 'chipsing' while the old fashioned know it as one night stands. Here are some the laws and that many and sundry will follow with a lot of dedication and passion that beat all logic.
All Chips shall practice full disclosure before being fungwad. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether the hair or teeth are fake, has a medical condition or whether the club's neon light makes her look hotter than she really is.
Chips shall never ask for payment after a night of secluded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free! Asking for credit, bus fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in immediate disciplinary action.
Chips should remember the way out of the man’s residence because the day after, Chips should not expect to be escorted to the bus the stage. If possible, don't wake the man just leave quietly!
Chips must accept without question whatever name the man decides to call himself that time.
Chips should never come to the club with life, boyfriend or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places so shida zako wacha home.
We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not chilli or mustard. "Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na mafuta ya transformer, heheh"
Chips shall leave other pals after meeting the man. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for an extra Chipsing activity, which is still allowed.
Under no circumstances shall the Chips suggest a change of venue unless it is cheaper or more secluded. Notifications of these must be whispered in advance and approved before proceeding.
Stealing from the man is a serious offence punishable by the Kenya Police.
No Chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he is tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for the Chips to warn other Chips the man is a serial ‘chipser’.
Under no circumstance should the Chips have the evil intentions of using items like "mchele". It’s a mutual agreement and not a game of the pharmacists (read drugs), so respect is very important.
Removing of fake hair is strictly prohibited as it creates multiple and more confusing identities. Refer to rule number one above.
The only free gift allowed during Chipsing is tuthoing. The man shall be obligated to buy the Chips a lot of Mututho related products at his cost.
Under no circumstances shall Chips be allowed to change their minds once they are at the venue. This is punishable by being sent away despite the time and venue.
The man shall at all times respect the Chips as they are protected under the Bill of Rights encompassed in the real Constitution.
A man should always avoid chipsing the same Chips at all cost, as this will create familiarity hence lead to a relationship. Chipsing is meant to be an alternative to a relationship and not lead to a relationship!
As you may have observed, the rules seem to favour one gender and in these days of equality, Chips are welcome to suggest acceptable rules before promulgation of the chipsing constitution.
