It is no secret that the majority of Kenyan men, regardless of their position in society, have side chicks. The issue, however, is that some of these mipango ya kando are determined to become goat wives so they can claim a significant share of the man's life-often at the expense of the first family. Here are 10 types of side chicks you're likely to come across in Kenya:
- The naive
She is being used and discarded by the man, who does not even support her financially, yet she remains content with the arrangement.
When faced with challenges or emotional neglect, she has to handle them alone while the mbaba spends time with his family. Worst of all, she even bankrolls him from her own pocket, despite the fact that he has no intention of ever promoting her to wife status.
- The trouble maker
Her vision is to overthrow the first wife, and she is determined to achieve this at all costs. She will resort to threats, intimidation, or mockery-whatever it takes to drive the goat wife away. She doesn't hesitate to call or text at odd hours, just to stir things up and make her presence known.
- The professional player
This one juggles multiple wababaz effortlessly. She has a sponsor for every aspect of her lifestyle-one for rent, another for salon expenses, and another for shopping. If you thought she was lonely on Valentine's Day because her mbaba was with his wife, think again-she was likely on vacation with a different sponsor.
- The opportunist
Her goal is to extract as much as possible from her mbaba, exploiting him at every opportunity. As payday approaches, she becomes the most humble and romantic woman on earth, showering him with sweet names and endless affection.
She massages not only his body, but also his ego, ensuring that he showers her with money while his family back home struggles.
- The shoulder to cry on
Unlike the others, she has no intention of stealing the man from his wife. Instead, she plays the role of a sympathiser, offering him comfort after he claims to be tormented by his "narcissistic" wife. In his eyes, his wife is a tyrant, and the side chick is the haven he retreats to for peace.
- The one who stays in her lane
She doesn't interfere with her sponsor's wife because she knows her place. As long as her needs-and those of her children-are met, she remains content. She does not have the wife's phone number or any connection to the man's family. She also knows when to call and when to stay silent.
- The exposure queen
She has no sense of discretion. She brags to all her friends that she is the priest's girlfriend, and any slight provocation from her mbaba will have her telling everyone who cares to listen how the bishop impregnated her and refused to marry her.
- The jealous type
She is deeply in love-perhaps too much. Her obsession with the man drives her mad at the thought of him spending time with his wife. To keep him by her side for as long as possible, she pulls every trick in the book to make sure he lingers at her house.
- The self-proclaimed second wife
Desperate for marriage, she instantly promotes herself to the status of "second wife" the moment she enters a relationship with a married man. She goes around introducing herself as "Mrs So-and-So," even though nothing has been made official.
- The blackmailer
She pressures the man to divorce his wife and even goes as far as helping him find a lawyer. To achieve her goal, she gives him an ultimatum: either he leaves his wife, or she exposes every detail of their affair.
