Daughters spite their mothers, until the shoe is on the other foot
By - Jan 1st 1970
Bloodlines are a powerful sense of belonging and kids take pride in their identity.
That purity of one’s genealogy entitles them to a sense of immeasurable pride. Among children, it is a huge source of shame if one’s paternity is in question.
Children in their playtime can often be overheard discussing their families – about their dads and moms. In more exotic atmospheres where blended families have become common, children can be heard asking if their dads are their real dads.
When it emerges that the dads they live with are not their biological fathers, their ego takes a beating as they tend to feel lesser without even understanding why that is a blot in the eyes of society.
The bottom line, however, is that even without knowing the intricacies of why the process of conception can be qualified as legitimate or illicit, any child would draw confidence from having a big head like the father or his squinted eyes.
Based on the Oedipus complex it is universally verifiable that girls are more aligned to identify with their fathers than the boys.
In most cases at an early age there is little going on between a man and his sons but there is a whole lot of loyalty between a man and his daughters. Mothers usually bear the brunt of these relationships in their endeavour to teach the girls to mop floors, clean dishes and other house chores, the man veers clear of any murky spots thus cementing his place as a darling of the girls.
Girls tend to receive every dream gift they ask from a father who they consider their main bloodline despite having been incubated in the mothers’ wombs for months.
This loyalty is so deep that the man and his daughters can happily find fault with the wife.
Because the woman of the house is ageing, she is likely to have an unsightly belly and flabby arms that spell carelessness with her self-care and image. Except for the sons who find no mistake with the ugly wig she dons the rest of the family will highlight that she must do better to keep her husband happy.
Some men are even bold enough to introduce their daughters to their mpango wa kando, something they cannot expose the boys to.
The girls can be trusted to keep the little secret safely and not release it to the enemy at home.
To these children, their mum does not enjoy similar freedom to bring another man into their hero's territory. They would not only hate the mother but possibly never forgive her betrayal in solidarity with their father.
Our development is generally retarded in various facets.
Women are bogged down by family responsibilities that derail the progress of not only educational pursuits but also growth at the workplace.
From the eyes of a daughter, the mother is made up of all manner of failed elements that make her a lesser person compared to her father.
In the same breath, the man views his wife as deserving lesser treatment, in fact he even feels entitled to beat her up if need be but he does not stop to imagine that the same can be meted on his daughters when they finally leave the nest and form their own families. That is unthinkable! They would walk to Timbuktu to pull them out of trouble.
Then out of the blues when they are all grown and settled and experiencing their fair share of fate as women in their marriages, they run back to the mother to vent out and seek advice.
For the girl, it is a case of what goes around comes around but it is usually too late and men are the winners of the imbalance.
Living apart may be the key to a successful marriage
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