Ten-year-old Alex Mutuma calls on his mother to fix his shoelaces as she prepares breakfast.
Like many parents, she is quick to help, as are the parents of his two siblings. But while she solves the immediate problem in seconds, she may be missing an opportunity for her son to learn to do it himself.
Catherine Mugendi, a Counsellor and family coach, says there are many moments in a child's day when an adult can make life easier: fastening a button, finding a missing pencil, opening a stubborn bottle, settling an argument with a sibling, completing a difficult school task or stepping in when a child says, "I can't".
"Because parents naturally want to protect their children from frustration, it can feel almost cruel to stand back and watch them struggle, though there is a difference between allowing a child to struggle with something manageable and leaving them to face something beyond their ability," says the expert, adding: "the first can be an important part of growing up, while the second is where an adult needs to step in".
Child development research increasingly emphasises the importance of giving children opportunities to develop skills rather than doing everything for them.
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Harvard's Center on the Developing Child describes resilience not as something children simply possess, but as a capacity that develops through supportive relationships and opportunities to build coping and adaptive skills.
This, Catherine notes, means the parent's role is not to disappear when something becomes difficult – it is to provide a safety net while allowing the child to do some of the climbing.
In Alex's case, she says, a ten-year-old trying to put on a shoe may need encouragement, while an older child struggling with a school assignment may need help breaking the task into smaller steps.
Still, a teenager who has fallen out with a friend may need someone to listen before being told exactly what to do.
The goal is not: "You are on your own"; it is "I believe you can try, and I am here if you need me", as frustration is not always a failure," says Catherine.
For parents, the difficult part is learning to distinguish between distress that requires intervention and frustration that can be worked through. For instance, a child who cannot immediately complete a puzzle is not necessarily in trouble, while a child who becomes annoyed because a tower of blocks keeps falling does not necessarily need the adult to rebuild it.
On the same note, a child who struggles to remember where they put something may benefit from being encouraged to retrace their steps instead of having the parent immediately search the entire house.
These small moments, says Eng Peter Nduati, commonly known as "Gooka", an author for a series of parenting guides (From the Village to the City), may look insignificant, but they are not.
"Each one gives a child an opportunity to practise thinking, remembering, trying a different approach and discovering that the first attempt does not have to be the final one," says Gooka.
Harvard describes these kinds of age-appropriate challenges as manageable stress – experiences that, with supportive adults around them, can help children develop the capacity to cope with difficulty.
Help without taking over
Gooka, a proud grandparent to five children aged between one and 15 years, explains there is a useful middle ground between doing everything and doing nothing – support.
"Instead of tying the shoelaces, a parent might demonstrate once and then let the child attempt the next step, and instead of answering a homework question immediately, ask: 'What do you already know about this?'" He explains.
Instead of settling every sibling disagreement, he advises parents, grandparents and guardians to give children a chance to explain what happened and think about how they might resolve it; instead of immediately replacing a broken toy, ask whether it can be repaired.
"Instead of saying, 'Move, I'll do it,' try: 'Which part is difficult?' a question that changes the interaction", says Catherine.
The child is no longer simply waiting for an adult to rescue them. They are being invited to think.
"The point is not to create miniature adults, but to give children opportunities to experience the satisfying realisation: 'I did that,' because those feelings matter."
Resist the urge to rescue
Sometimes the hardest part of giving children room to become independent is the parent's own discomfort, as watching a child struggle can be painful. A child who takes five minutes to dress independently may be learning something that cannot be taught by a parent doing it in 30 seconds.
A child who spends 10 minutes working out how to assemble something may be learning persistence. A child who has to think through what to do after making a mistake may be learning responsibility.
Eng Nduati says as children grow, they can take greater responsibility for school materials, personal routines, household tasks and keeping track of commitments.
"The point is not to create miniature adults, but to give children opportunities to experience the satisfying realisation: 'I did that', because those feelings matter," says the respected grandfather.
He explains supportive parenting is not about withholding help, but about giving the right help at the right time - the gift of "I believe you can".
Perhaps one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is not an answer to every problem, but confidence that they can participate in solving some of them.