You would have thought it would be the end of business as usual for a pastor who some time back ‘healed’ his follower’s allegedly twisted mouth.

But the story that received nationwide condemnation would not stop the flock from attending the next service to show solidarity with the ‘man of God.’ Well, this is why our scandalous pastors will never walk alone:

1. Lord’s anointed one
Thou shall not raise a finger against the Lord’s anointed one. This is why most men will grudgingly raise children whose noses resemble that of the pastor without lifting that finger for fear of attracting untold suffering in their life.

2. Like Jesus, we’ll be rejected
If they rejected the Son of God, who tells you these beer and nyama choma loving crooks will not want to crucify a pastor? Sly pastors will twist that one verse every church day to pump into the disciples that rejection of the good news is as old as the world.

3. Prosperity gospel
If you tell Nairobians that they smell of sin and chang’aa and are likely to die poor and miss heaven, you will only have empty seats to preach to. So, the flashy pastors know just what to tell the hustlers...that wealth is right under their beds, in fact they are destined to be the next Bill Gates. Somebody say Amen!

4. Pastor will read the Bible
Many people treat the Bible as they do medicine. In fact, very few would stop to buy one, leave alone open it. That is why most Bibles are ever new, the owners cannot differentiate between Abraham and Job. In fact, they think that Job married Abraham’s daughter after a quarrel with Judas Iscariot.

5. Pastor knows it all
There is a general belief that preachers are superhuman — they don’t err. As such, the thought of starting a resistance against your local pastor puts you in the league of Satan who made away with an eighth of angels from heaven.

6. Serikali saidia
Some churches operate without licences, and pay no taxes. Many believe it’s the government’s work to deal with rogue pastors, their is to tithe and tithe some more.

7. Toothless watchdogs
Institutions mandated to regulate mushrooming churches are toothless. Like the biblical Pharisees, they have no idea what’s going on. In the meantime, innocent members are conned in broad daylight.

8. Panda mbegu tena
These unscrupulous pastors and bishops have mastered their game. Occasionally, they pay one term school fees for some needy student before pinning the payment receipt and fee structure on the church’s notice board. And they will be seen carrying some orphaned girl — in his top-of-the-range fuel guzzler. Sometimes they will be seen hosting the needy flock in their houses and treating them to mouth-watering meals — the one normal Kenyans eat only during Christmas. And if you ask why the pastor is getting too close to some young choir girl, the followers will rebuke you and say: “David had 1,000 concubines, who are you to blame our pastor?”

9. I used to be a jailbird
Most bishops and pastors were either cons or muggers who at one time served time in jail. They are the ones most loved by Nairobians who are daily robbed in the streets. Who wouldn’t follow a reformed pickpocket in a BMW? And why not when Apostle Paul spent almost half of his life in prison?

10. You need mentoring
Who would want to be rich? So forgive those who follow scandalous pastors who have performed the miracle of making money, you would think they work for World Bank.