Romp in village bushes go awry

A Kenyan village is always assumed to be a serene environment where casual sex is nonexistent. Villagers are always assumed to be virtuous and, unlike in urban places, levels of tolerance for vices such as immorality are extremely low.

However, this is not to say that villagers are angels. In fact, they are as randy as their city counterparts. And as this writer found out, the chances of finding lovers who are engaged in an ‘act of the rod’ using protection, are about as high as finding a couple in the backseat of a tinted vehicle in Nairobi reciting a prayer!

Villagers have a penchant for making love in bushes. This, many people say, is due to the unavailability of lodgings in rural areas or lack of money to afford such facilities.

Caught in the act

According to Geoffry Kiplangat of Kuresoi sub-County, villagers are very promiscuous, and romps in bushes are very common. He adds that posho mill attendants and boda boda riders tend to be the randiest of them all.

“Not a month goes by without a couple being caught in the act in a bush. It is so common here. And for some strange reason, boda boda men and posho mill attendants are always involved. Besides regularly interacting with them, they seem to be so charming that village women find it hard to resist,” he says.

Village bush-romps are very common especially during church keshas, weekly laundry sessions in the river, traditional initiation ceremonies and funeral discos. Most adulterous villagers use such occasions as excuses to be away from their partners.

Probox love

Despite the dangers involved, such as the risk of being bitten by snakes or wild animals, villagers are not about to stop ‘making love’ in bushes.

In Silibwet township, Bomet County, Kenneth, a Probox driver narrates to this writer how he and his date ended up dirtying themselves with human waste, after they unknowingly began romping in a “green lodge” that some villagers had turned into a toilet.

Kenneth says one evening he successfully ‘tuned’ a girl at a market in his locale. And seeing as he is a married man, and was too broke to afford a lodging, he decided to take her to a nearby bush for a quick ‘amorous congress’.

Human waste

Unfortunately, in moments of reckless abandon, they forgot themselves and began rolling on the ground as they enjoyed the ‘gland-to-gland’ combat, only to discover that they were soiling themselves with human waste as they passionately rolled on the ground.

“Immediately we got to our venue, we did not want to waste time. We immediately got down to business. But considering it was dark, and we had not surveyed the ground very well, we realised that we were rolling in human poop! It turned out that the place had been serving as a loo for villagers who lived nearby,” he giggles.

 Red ants crossing

He says cannot recall how the woman vanished, all he knows is that they have never met again. “The woman just disappeared and I have never seen her. I went straight to a nearby river to clean up before going home, and lied to my wife that I had fallen in the river as I was crossing the bridge,” narrates Kenneth, chuckling.

In yet another nutty incident, Robert, who used to be a goatherd many years back, took a woman to a bush for a romp only for their amorous congress to be abruptly disbanded by red ants that attacked them, causing his date to bolt from the bush at maximum speed.

“As soon as we began making love, we unknowingly rolled over an anthill filled with red ants, prompting them to attack us. Just when we were in the throes of passion, a colony of red ants attacked. So fierce was the onslaught that before I was even done saying ‘let me finish’, she had fled half naked, leaving me behind,” he explains

After that embarrassing experience, the woman hated him, but he says he still likes bedding his catches in the bush and when opportunity arises, he always rises to the occasion.