An obituary is a grim, sombre affair.

A typical one starts with “It is with deep sorrow and profound sadness…” A more business-like one goes something like “We announce the death of…” There is also the widely-accepted religious refrain, “It is with humble acceptance of God’s will that we announce the passing of our brother.”

What follows is usually a brief, chronological breakdown of the deceased’s life, along with their family and career. This, too, is presented in the rigid, technical style of a thesis paper. "He was a father, a brother and a friend. Here are his children in order of latter success."

The obituary will then close with information on where the burial will take place, and possibly contact information for the bereaved family.

While it’s true that nobody visits the back pages of the newspaper for light reading, and that the only real reason anyone would pause to read an obituary is in the event the deceased looked a bit familiar, a few obituaries have managed to stand out over the years.

The most recent is that of one Ms. Elizabeth Mueni Ngotho, who died 12th April 2022.

The obituary was fairly run-of-the-mill, describing the late Elizabeth as “a unique and caring individual who touched many lives.” It also listed her mother, siblings and their children. But it was the mention of her late brother that raised people’s eyebrows.

“Mueni has now been reunited with her beloved father Anthony and her partner in crime, Peter and they can get up to their typical mischief where they left off.”

A photo of the obit quickly went viral. What did it mean? Was it the same Peter who was listed as her brother? Partner in which crimes? Mischief, what sort of mischief? Will they really hear the trumpets if they’re too busy being mischievous?

On 21st September 2021, a similar ‘scandal’ was doing the rounds on WhatsApp and social media.

Lt. Col. (Rtd) David Mwaura was treated to not one but two obituaries, both published in the Daily Nation. The notices were nearly identical, except for the small matter of his wives.

In one, he was the ‘Beloved husband of Alice Nyambura and ex-husband to Eunice Wanjiku.” In the other, he was “Beloved husband to Eunice Wanjiku and Alice Nyambura.” Which came first, Kenyans wondered, the chicken or the egg?

Such cases reflect a continuing trend of interested Kenyans combing through obituaries, reading through the fine print for salacious details and potential scandal. Those grim, rigid death notices may not be so boring after all, it seems. As the amateur sleuths will tell you, an obit is a treasure trove of information.

It is a reliable way to discover the wealth status of a family, for instance.

A full page means the pockets were deep. The deeper the pockets, the shorter the message, and the more flowery.

The reader will not be inundated with paragraphs and paragraphs, just the pertinent information presented in accordance with the five Ws and one H of good journalism. It might trial off with a quote from Shakespeare.

The photo will be of the deceased in a sharp suit. A full, coloured one, too. If you don’t stop to read, you might mistake it for one of those pages with a government official wishing his subjects Happy Holidays.

A simpler, humbler 5× 3.5 strip might not be as splashy, but it gets the message across just as well. No-nonsense photo, often black and white. Sunrise, sunset. And, at the bottom, an earnest plea for assistance bringing the beloved home.

It is often in these strips, tucked away nonchalantly in a throwaway paragraph, that nuggets of gossip usually reside.

An obituary can also be a reliable way of figuring out who the deceased held dear. Or dearest among a short list, as is increasingly the case.

“He was the husband to Esther Mbugua*, dedicated partner to Daisy Wanjiku* and Abby Gatimu*,” reads one notice.

And of their virility:

“He was the father to Sammy, Margaret, John, Brenda, Tamia, Joel, Alex, Stephen and Florence with his first wife. He remarried in 1985 and they were blessed with Sospeter, Yvonne, Wilfrida, Diana, Joseph, Wayne and Vanessa…”

An obituary can also be a subtle way to throw shade at the not-so-accomplished son. The announcement of the passing of Charles Henry Mangua featured this interesting segment:

“Doting father to Koinange (Tigoni), Ndegwa (USA), the late Kariuki, Fred (Australia), Eric (Mauritius) Andy (France) Njoori (Germany) and Lucy (UK).”

But there is an ugly side to obituaries as well. As with the case of the late Elizabeth, whose funeral actually saw attendance from people who were not related but just curious, family dynamics can often end up on the page.

Following the funeral, it was reported that the author of the notice (the lastborn son) had only meant to inject a little humour into it.

But he could not have anticipated the digging that would ensue, unearthing unpleasant family memories like the death by suicide of his brother and the tussle over their father’s estate.

Indeed, a common sentiment echoed by many Kenyans was that the obituary just straddled the line between lightheartedness and speaking ill of the dead.

We are still rigid and stiff in our approach to death, it seems. Unlike classic examples from elsewhere in the world, where the bereaved took advantage of the final opportunity to celebrate their dead by imbuing their obituary with as much life and humour as they could.

“Jim Groth made his last wildly inappropriate and probably sarcastic comment on July 28th. Jim was born and immediately dubbed ‘our favourite child’ to John and Joan Groth…”

“Faced with the prospect of voting for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, Mary Anne chose to pass into the eternal love of God.”

“William escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29th…”

Or, for someone who was all about brevity in life: “Doug died.”

Hopefully, death notices will continue the tradition of celebrating the deceased’s life, not just creating a stiff account of their comings and goings.