Let's elope

NIKKO TANUI looks at some of the reasons that can cause couples to skip the public wedding and declarations to get married secretly

A wedding is a time-tested way to publicly combine two families who may have been hitherto strangers and to build a brand new nuclear and extended family.

However, for every couple that holds a wedding, there are many others who simply decide to bypass the process and simply elope.

By definition, eloping involves getting married quickly without the knowledge of parents, family members and even friends.

Eloping is an old phenomenon in this part of the world since back in the day when a young man, smitten by a woman, would simply waylay her as she came from fetching firewood or water and without much procedure, make her his wife. Afterwards, the young man would happily send his father and a delegation of elders to the young woman’s home to report he had their daughter and to start dowry negations.

The age-old option was even attempted by Romeo and Juliet in William Shakespear’s play. And, though it didn’t turn out so well for them, it worked for the poets, Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning.

But much as things have changed with weddings becoming an everyday affair, many parents wake up to the news that their daughter or son has eloped.

But why would a young man and woman decide to elope?

1. Family opposition

There are family heads who dictate everything to their children. Even when it comes to matters of the heart, such parents will shamelessly jump in and try to pick for their ‘child’ who he or she can or can’t marry. When such youngster brings home a potential partner who doesn’t meet the parent’s lofty standards such as education, finances or family background, a collision is likely to arise. And that is where many young men and women might draw the line and simply decide to do things their way. The next thing the old folks hear is that their daughter or son has eloped with the much hated character.

2. Finances

If it wasn’t for bank loans, committees and harambees, many couples would never have managed to hold a fancy wedding or any wedding in the first place. Even a simple traditional wedding will cost a young couple a substantial amount of money. And truth be told, not every couple who wants to begin a family has the money to spend on a ‘foreign’ formality such as a wedding.

Therefore, rather than wait until the day, they will have made enough money to hold a wedding that will make the centre page of Eve Bridal magazine, most of such couples would rather elope. After all, forming the family unit is the point, not the ‘how’.

Nonetheless, not every couple who decides to elope does so simply because of financial constraints. Some do it to save money and spend it on more ‘worthy’ causes such as to buy a house or go on a holiday.

3. Baby

With many dating couples unable to keep their hands to themselves until they sign a wedding certificate, many of such are finding themselves with a baby on the way before they can even talk about marriage.

And there is nothing that can push a young couple — especially a woman — to elope with a man than discovering she is pregnant.

4. Church rules

Truth be told, some local churches have a long list of strict rules that unwittingly force young church members to throw their hands in the air and elope.

Such churches, for instance, will demand that a couple intending to tie the knot have been at least active members of the church for a couple of years, give a one year notice, provide a number of certificates from health to education, attend marriage counselling classes among a host of other stringent rules.

5. Wagging tongues

A wedding is one of the places that folks show up to feed their eyes and to be seen and such gathering is usually a fertile ground for gossip.

Woe on a couple who in the eyes of their relatives and even friends, appear mismatched. Gossip will have a field day. Rather than risk being condescendingly looked at on their wedding day, such a couple might find a secret union the best option.