Giving lip service right

NJOKI CHEGE flames the embers of romance with a reminder that a good kisser makes a great lover. Here’s how to meet your partner in the middle

Remember your first kiss? Your first ‘real’ kiss with a member of the opposite sex?

Was it a wet, messy and rushed job done at a corner of the school playground? Or was it a fleeting experience that left you wondering, "What just happened?" Was it so anticipated and meticulously planned that you did not feel the ‘adrenaline rush’, as it was not spontaneous? And most importantly, who was your first kiss?

No matter how messy or magical, playful or passionate it was, the first kiss will be etched in our minds. The innocence we had prior to the first real kiss, however, soon fades and we find ourselves striving to be better kissers. So what really is a good kisser?

origins

Historians initially believed that kissing, like most things, began with the Romans, when, returning from a hard day at the amphitheatre, Roman husbands would kiss their wives to see if they had been into the red wine. Following this theory, scientists proclaimed that people kissed because when their lips met a pleasurable electric current was generated.

Other imaginative historians posit that back in prehistoric times it was important to select a mate with a good immune system to start a family with. And because saliva contains levels of a compound found in the body called immunoglobulin (IgA) that binds to bacteria and triggers the immune system to destroy them, kissing was a subconscious selection of a prospect.

A common dating rule suggests that the first kiss in a relationship should be a toe curling, left foot-raising (for women) experience, but this fact has long been proved to be outdated and wrong.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the first kiss is inconsequential to a relationship, as it has nothing to do with the future of your relationship. A first kiss could be the most mind-blowing experience you ever experienced, but a relationship is more than that.

Kissing, no matter how gross or great it may sound (or taste), plays a huge role in our relationships. Did you know that how you kiss your partner tells a lot about your relationship and its future? You can tell if a man is serious about you just by reading his lips!

weak in the knee

And being a good kisser does not end with not spilling saliva all over your lover’s mouth. There’s more technique to it.

If a man gives you a soft, lingering and arousing kiss, the kind of kiss that turns on all your senses, as his hands roam all over your body, weakening your knees, then it means that he is emotionally present and in the mood for a truly intimate experience with you.

If it is just one of those plain and passionless kisses, the ‘maliza twende’ kisses, then you have reason to worry.

What many men do not know is that women need passion to be beautiful. It is the passion that makes a woman ‘glow’; the shinning eyes, easy laughter and permanent smile; it’s all thanks to passion. Passionless kisses are not only a show of lacklustre relationships, but a spell of doom in a woman’s life.

There are many types of kisses; the peck, the French kiss, the forehead kiss, the earlobe kiss (no loud sucking voices please), the hand kiss and the foot kiss among others.

And every kiss has a meaning, and there is a certain form of etiquette we ought to observe every time we kiss.

Many cultures have varied kissing etiquettes, even Africans. Although kissing is not so common in Africa, several Africans have adopted this western culture and if we are going to do it, let’s do it right.

For casual kissing, depending on your preferences, you may choose to kiss the ‘French way’, ‘Dutch way’ or the ‘Sunny California way’.

The French for instance kiss twice when they greet someone, once on each cheek. The Dutch kiss three times and in sunny California, they touch cheek to cheek and say "mwouah".

Whichever way you may choose to express your affection with a kiss, it is important that you keep the following tips close to your heart…and lips too.

ETIQUETTE

Before the kiss…

• Always brush your teeth and use a powerful mouthwash for fresh breath. If you are nowhere near a toothbrush or mouthwash, mints and chewing gum helps to keep your mouth smelling fresh.

• Dry lips are a turn-off. Learn to use lip balm or Vaseline. While you are at it, avoid using the sticky lip-glosses that trap dust and other particles to your lips!

• For men, a few quick strokes with the razor will work smooth wonders with the women. Very few ladies fancy rough masculine cheeks.

As you kiss…

• Never lunge at your date. Always come slowly and lean gently for the kiss.

• Don’t aim for your date’s tonsils. Remember, you are kissing the cheeks. Besides, some women feel ticklish under the cheeks (tonsils).

• Don’t approach your date with a gaping mouth — it seems like you are running out of breath.

• Keep your saliva in check. The other person shouldn’t need a towel when you are done kissing them.

• Never ever stick out your tongue as if to lick your date.

• Finally, the greatest turn-off to kissing is smoking. If you have to smoke, make good use of mints and mouthwash.