Whose baby was this at our doorstep?

I have been married for seven years and have two children. Two weeks ago, I woke up to find a one-month-old baby at my doorstep. She was well wrapped in baby shawls and from the location of our house (second floor), she was deliberately put there. We have been in shock since then despite the fact that we agreed to take the baby in until we find a good solution for her. We reported to the police and they advised us to stay with the child as they try and locate the mother. My problem, however, is that I don’t think a stranger would dump a baby on my doorstep. This has brought suspicion between my husband and I because I suspect the child is his. I can’t bring myself to ask him since he is also in shock. I don’t know what to do now since I can’t abandon the child. What should I do? {Stella}

Your take:

I commend you for taking in the baby but request that you don’t make any hasty decisions since the child is innocent. Approach your husband with an open mind then jointly make a decision, which could even be to adopt the baby.

{Oyoo Wycklife}

You did the right thing by informing the police. It is easy to ascertain a child’s legal parents through DNA tests so convince him to take it to reduce suspicion and mistrust in your marriage.

{Abdi Dika}

The child is his and he knows the mother. He had an affair and then tried to dump the woman. I am sure he regrets his action so forgive him and take care of his child. He will not repeat the mistake.

{Tasma Charles}

You are being tempted by some desperate ‘husband snatcher’ woman out there. Please take care of that angel just like you would your child and pray for wisdom and love because it is a big responsibility on your shoulders.

{Odeke Chris}

Doubting him is a recipe for disaster. Supposing he is the father, what will you do? Take the baby to a children’s home — period.

{Ronald Maiyo}

Get rid of that fear and task him to address the issue head on. But I must thank you for letting the baby be in your safe hands as any mother should.

{Nyamu Denis}

You shouldn’t suspect your husband just because an angel visited your house. The mother of the child might have seen that you are capable of taking care of the baby. Take good care of the baby; he may be your future glory.

{Lenny Ngetich}

You should cast your net wider and investigate further. Tell your husband you are not ready to raise a child that is not yours and if he insists, tell him you are suspecting something and ask for a DNA test to clear any doubt.

{Kamau Beka}

You are doing the right thing by fending for the child but something is not adding up. I think the child is his. Ask him to take a DNA test or take the child and raise her as your own.

{Emily Gathingi}

Stella, your suspicious are justified but think soberly about this. There are some single women who are not able to raise their children, therefore they choose to give them away rather than see them suffer. Take heart and raise the child as yours.

{Luke Omondi}

My take:

Baby at your doorstep:

This should mean something to you. If the baby’s mother was just out to get rid of the baby, she would have as well left her in a taxi or by the roadside. This woman carried a child for nine months, delivered it and after one month decided to dump the child?

Something somewhere went terribly wrong. I am not one to break up happy homes but in such circumstances, your hubby definitely knows what is going on.

Of course as a good citizen and for the sake of peace he chooses to keep his mouth shut.

It is sad that he seems depressed and you are doing a good thing by not putting more pressure on him. What you don’t realise is that by not putting pressure on him you are actually putting pressure on yourself.

The suspicion, doubt, uncertainty, tension and confusion will drain you so fast that it could actually lead you into depression. This is not necessary since it takes just a day or two to confirm your suspicions and there are many ways to skin this cat.

How to approach the matter:

Granted, any woman in your position would have many unanswered questions. To get the desired results one should approach the issue with caution and wisdom.

First, to cut the chase, he needs to clear his name. Asking him to put the record straight does not necessarily mean that you don’t trust him. He should understand that you are also in an awkward situation here. Give him a chance to volunteer information and evidence and if he plays hard ball, vehemently denying any association with the baby, the mother of the baby or both, go for the test.

The absolute solution to this matter is a paternity test. He should understand where you are coming from and that you are only seeking to establish the truth, not necessarily to prove him guilty.

However, be prepared:

Be prepared for any eventuality. The test could reveal what you may not want to hear. Most paternity test facilities provide for testing before and after the test. You may find it difficult living with the notion that he has a child outside your marriage.

Likewise, if the test absolves him of any infidelity, then he may find it difficult living with the thought that you doubted him and made him go through that. Counselling helps to clear the air.

What to do about the baby:

It is a good thing that you decided to keep the child. The trouble is that some day her mother may show up and demand to have her child back, which can be traumatising for all parties involved.

Seek some advice from the Children’s Department on the pros and cons as well as, the procedures of keeping the child.

The advice could also be on the various options open for you.

{Taurus}

On the next issue:

I have been married for 18 years but have not known happiness in my marriage. My husband treats me like trash. He is always rude and very cold. Whenever I ask for money, he throws it at me and usually, gives me less than I asked for. Recently, I met a man who is also married but has been there for me and became the companion I never had for the last 18 years. He is not interested in sex but I feel his love towards me and I also have deep feelings for him. He appreciates everything about me and I am starting to feel like a woman. Now I am confused since I don’t know what to do about my husband. Should I continue living in misery or should I pursue the love of my life?

{Linda}