By Njoks
I desperately need to get back into my hubby’s good books. The awful air between us is making me sicker than the morning crappy feelings the unborn baby I’m still carrying dishes out every day. I wonder why they call them ‘morning sickness’, the feelings go on all day long, forever!
Anyhow, back to the domestic crisis. It doesn’t help matters that I’m guilty for the current sad state of affairs between us, which means it is all up to me to make things right.
In the past week, when Jimmy got home, it has been a sullen ‘hi’ then off to the bedroom to ‘freshen up’. Where once this activity used to take less than five minutes, nowadays it takes at least 30 minutes.
Once, I followed him to the bedroom to see what he was up to but the hostility quickly forced me to dash out. I have let him be since then, piddling around the kitchen while trying to figure out what to do to reassure him.
I didn’t want to seek guidance from my folks and my friends because I didn’t want them to know there was trouble brewing in my marital castle. I’m the type of wife who does not enjoy washing dirty linen in public so I resorted to buying a few self-help books for direction.
One of them urged that I ask him what he would like done to him. I tried that one evening and that strategy fell flat on its face.
Unobstructive seduction
"Sweetie," I meekly called out one morning just before he dashed out to go to work. "What would you like me to cook you for dinner? Name any dish you want and I’ll have it made."
I was moving closer to him trying to purr out what I hoped was a seductive invite. Jimmy just glanced at me and continued walking out.
"Just cook whatever you like," he said. And with that, he was gone.
First, I had forgotten it is not so easy to appear sexy early in the morning while still dressed in a nightgown. It’s been a while since I wore lingerie.
Second, I had forgotten that he knew I could barely cook, so asking him to chose an exotic dish for me to prepare was akin to asking him what suicidal channel he preferred.
Third and most important, this is a guy who’s pissed at me for what he believes was a ‘breach of contract’. From that moment I announced ‘I do’ to him in front of hundreds of guests, I am expected not to talk to any other man who is not a relative — my father, brother, uncles and cousins — and even these have to be scrutinised to ensure their blood line is so close that any relationship beyond family relations is considered incest. Male friends, acquaintances and distant relations are regarded ‘no go’ zones. So are relations from Jimmy’s side of the family as they are not my blood relatives.
Thus, by hanging out with Bryan, even if it was by proxy, I had committed a major sin and crime punishable by ‘nil by mouth’ — until further notice. I was praying the deterioration of relations between the hubby and I did not get so bad as to require summoning the council of elders.
My hopes now lay in unobtrusive seduction, yaani, a smoking hot romantic plan that, right from the start, would melt him down to liquid form, at which point he will forgive me all my transgressions and be eager to start all over again. Problem was, where to start.
In less than a week, we would be celebrating our first wedding anniversary. I needed to make that right. Kawaida, it is the hubbies who are expected to organise a grand celebration. In my case, though, the onus was all on me.
With the way things were going between us, I could see Jimmy was conveniently planning to ‘forget’ that, 12 months ago, we’d overcome a load of crap to be together for life.
— desperate@eastandard.net
