During festive occasions, you may meet someone who interests you romantically. You may feel excited and tempted to rush things. However, it is important to remember that healthy romance needs to be steady, not intense.
According to consultant psychologist James Bosse, healthy romance in the early stages of dating feels safe: you can be yourself and it feels relaxing and steady. There is no pressure and both parties can settle into the relationship at their own pace.
However, a satisfying relationship doesn’t just happen on its own; potential lovebirds need to put in effort to build it. James says active listening, reflecting on feelings, understanding each other and sharing experiences are all important.
He says that communication plays a different role for different people, but consistent open communication encourages the open expression of needs and boundaries.
He believes that open communication is important in reducing anxiety when used intentionally.
“When it is void of fear, communication prevents projection and assumption, which can affect any relationship,” he observes.
When it comes to attraction, James believes it can be nurtured by showing appreciation, maintaining curiosity in them, sharing experiences and being emotionally available.
To create a balance between being authentic while still trying to impress your romantic interest, he encourages being real and congruent from the beginning.
“You have to be aligned in thoughts, feelings, actions and values. You need to avoid over-impressing, which most are about the fear of rejection,” he says.
In order to sustain intrigue and win their heart, he advises respecting your love interest’s space and matching their effort. Rather than going for extremes, he suggests a balance of effort and personal space.
Trust is a strong foundation and James explains that developing it in a new relationship means words aligning with actions. In cases where words are better, he advises leaving the relationship. But if they show love through actions and don’t express it in words, he says that can be learned.
“If the other person is only ignorant but not stubborn, that can change and they will express their love through words too,” he says.
Some of the common mistakes that people make during the early stages of dating include love-bombing, trying to influence the other person using money and gifts, guilt-tripping, and ignoring red flags.
