By Smitta Smitten
Four am last Friday, and some patriotic miros were already drifting into Uhuru Park, to check out the ‘Promulgation show.’ In Coasto, it was a different storo. They said the ‘drizzly skies’ kept the crowds away. Truth is, Coast folks go home from vilabu at four am, not waking up to go places – new katiba or nyet!
The only peeps the dark, over-cast skies kept away from our ‘Promulgation show’ last Friday was the Airforce boyz. Tough titty – coz seeing as Prezident Yoweri-ski was one-a da invited guests, tooda been good to scare him with a fly-by of hardcore military-hardware.
The MC, Sammy Lui, din’t do a sparklin’ jobo (where is Louey Otis wen the country needz him)? He tole the patriotic Kenyans in the park to stop shangiliaring, only to tell ‘em to piga vigele-gele when our ‘surprise guest’ at the National Party, Sudan’z tyrant Omar el Bashir shewed up. Uhh!
Who’s dumb idea was it to invyte this dude (sadly 4 the o’rezzo of Zanzibar, Bashir looks like his brother)? Kimunyaski soundz like someone on crack wen he sparks ati "we shd be grateful Bashir honoured our invitation."
Last time I googled, the dude was wanted for three hundred thao dead in Darfur, by the Hague. His gava sponsors genocidaires called the ‘Janjaweed’ who smoke ganja (weed), then raid innocent folk n rape, plunder, murder n pillage entire southern Sudan villages!! Oh well, as fellow poet Kegs Macha put it, "haven’t you heard, it is part of African hospitality to invyte the men who rape our sisters to join us at the bar for a drink." Or is Wetash’s new motto "a bash ain’t a Bash without omar le Bashir?"
Many poetesses
And wattz with his ministry always inviting poetess Carol Ndesh to do poetry?
Even me I can write lines dat go: " With my shining smile (thanks to Colgate), I dedicate the Constitution (to promulgate), even if the presence of Bashir is like (Water-gate) .." Look, next national day, imma offering my talents to whichever minions select poetic entertainers … for free.
But if it is an issue of gal-child poetesses, we got far better ones than Ndesh like Ngwatiloo Neema, Phyllis Muthosh, Sitawa II, Njeri Wangari, Eudiah K, n Co. In any case, consult with Chief waKorogi Prof of political sciences n poetics, Wambui Mwangi, on all matterz – including political shizzle, like which warogi to invyte fer political bashes. Colonialists like Partington’s granpa muzz be laffing in their graves.
But Koffi Annan wazn’t exactly amused.
People certainly were not chekaing with vets like Nameless (my good mate) n Amani in dat Africa United Promulgation choir of theirs (if they wanna collabo, let em stick to each other). Did Suzanne G. do dat song in a hurry in her studios coz Gido K. had a court order to ‘seize the equipment’ or watt? Wallapa wit Ulopa? What was Seii saying? Bittok sounded like a ‘pssstt’ from a battokk, n Size 8 like a cat sat on by Achieng Abura. If AA wrote those lyrics, she needsta join ‘Alcholoiks’ Anonymouse,’ or else start a show called "Please Forget the Lyrics." Twas an awful effort, all around, although Eric Wainaina was alright!
Emmy Kosgei, wit Taunet Nelel tried to salvage the wreckage of her fellow musicians. Even the ‘Ka-Roosay,’ who’d looked a lil under-tha-weather, grooved!
Who dat who strangled their dove so hard it refused to buzz off n fly? N who dat who forgot that unless yu put helium in a balloon, it won’t take to the skies??
Promulgation bash
Premier Raila O, as expected, waz the star of dat Promulgation Show!
N layter on, at the invite of the beautiful n efficient Wanjiru Mbugua, me n me mamsilla, da Sharonova, rolled to the Carnivore for the Premier’s bash – of the colourful kind not seen since 1963/4.
Mangoma Afrika welcomed guests with dances from the eight provinces, so, well done Bruno Mbaruk. I met my ‘twin’ bro Papa Ahmed – one-a de coolest dudes!
And Jo Mbeo, an ole buddy from back-in-da-day. Jo kumbushad me how I came in an afro n specs-wit-sellotape from colle back in two thao to ask for a job at STV.
But thn I tole thn chairman Hilary Ngweno sumthing crazy about his kitabu The Man from Pretoria, n so din’t kwachu the kazi – Eddie Kwach did (heh heh, my mad Afro look n sellotape-specs had zilch to do with me not getting a TV anchor’s job) …
Also ran into Paul Ilado, ivan Groome as well as a failed comedian (whom we won’t name). Being funny is hard work, baba .. After meeting Miz Mbeo’s super-cool PS, twas nice to say ‘hi’ to Salim Lownme, and then bond wit ma legal-eagle big bro, Haroun Ndubi. Last tyme we met waz at a resto in Upper Hill (tho none beats the Gazebo).
And then we chit-chatted with my ole friend n mentor, Dr Alf Mutua, whom I admire very much for his artistry across four fields – film, TV, bookz n magazine (passion)!
Talkin ‘Passion,’ here waz Clay Mooganda, one-a the wittiest chaps I jua, alongside Carol Odero the fashionista, with hair flamin’ red n so very ‘Pink.’ (And far from ‘blonde’).
We were immensely entertained by wakina Odemba n Kayamba, the gods smiled on the Premier’s party as da nite cleared up n fireworks lit the sky. N Baba Fidel (now in a shiny grey suit n dat swanky nostra fedora) n Mama Fidel (in a resplendent red eve gown) got tha groove on. Tinga is seemingly Kenya’s brightest political star!
Oh, n the vodo-ski flowed like water (whaddya expect from an engineer who trained in Russki-land, n has had a hand in revoluskis in this land, like conserving the Mau, so H2O can flow)?
In komparison, our Kalonzo had held a media bash on Toosday@ the Laico .. where like two beers flowed, then kwished. Nikii mundu? But then again, maybe dat waz the idea.
