Every time we have spoken about patriarchy, the conversation has largely been about men. Men taking the lead politically and socially. Men making it harder for women to get to places they believe are reserved for them.
We talk about male domination and the deliberate unequal distribution of power and resources. We highlight the systemic silencing of women and the demand on women to make themselves smaller to give more room for men. But this has since changed.
In our quest to focus on and blame men for being men, we missed an even more troubling consequence of patriarchy on women and how it makes them complicit. A system built on undermining women has somehow managed to persuade some of them to be its staunchest defenders and enforcers.
A few incidents illustrate just how far this goes. Last weekend, we witnessed a woman aspirant being pushed off a podium at a public event by fellow women, apparently for holding a different political view.
The image of one woman snatching the microphone from another while shoving her is the best depiction of how compromised women have become. What was striking was the sight of male leaders, including administration officers, seated seemingly amused as women did the work of silencing one of their own.
Women who have been conditioned to believe that protecting the interests of powerful men or demonstrating loyalty to them is more important than standing up for one another were outdoing themselves on the podium.
Then there is the unfortunate controversy in Ohio, USA, involving the gubernatorial contestants. Amy Acton’s mother appeared in a campaign ad attacking her daughter’s account of a childhood marked by abuse. That a mother could actually participate in such an attack is terrible enough. That a woman’s traumatic past could be weaponised to support a male political opponent makes this an especially disturbing illustration of how patriarchy can turn women against one another.
The suggestion that Acton’s account should undermine her ability to lead, seemingly because her mother would rather defend the men in the picture, first a husband accused of abuse and now a political opponent, has patriarchy written all over it. It goes to show what happens when political interests are allowed to intrude into the most painful and intimate relationships between women.
Patriarchy wins when women begin to assess issues not on their merit but on how taking a particular position might affect the men in their lives. It wins when women become so preoccupied with winning the approval of men, preserving family arrangements or even securing financial security over their rights, safety and dignity.
It wins when a woman’s political loyalty becomes more important than another woman’s right to participate. It wins when a daughter’s suffering is diminished because acknowledging it might threaten a relationship, an alliance or whatever interest. It sure wins when women are made to feel that their security depends on accommodating those who hold power over them.
This is not to suggest that women are expected to support or defend one another blindly simply because they are women. Neither is every difficult decision a woman makes evidence of patriarchal conditioning. Women have agency and they are at liberty to exercise it.
However, when women start to defend what is clearly wrong, particularly when doing so perpetuates the very inequalities they have had to fight against, we must call it out. We cannot allow misogyny to become yet another battlefront for women with some of its fiercest attacks coming from within the fold.
The quest for equality did not include adopting the very thinking that made emancipation necessary in the first place. It was never supposed to mean that women should become as capable as men of humiliating, silencing or sacrificing one another to protect power.
Patriarchy today no longer manifests in teachings and practices that deny women their place in society. It is sustained by the woman who snatches a microphone to silence another, the woman shames another for daring to aim higher. It is sustained by the woman who insists women must know their place and stay there.
Ms Wekesa is a development communication specialist
