Best friends forever

They say great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget. This week, Eve Woman celebrates great, lasting friendships that have stood the test of time.

By NJOKI CHEGE

Millicent Palo and Caroline Kadenge

Best friends for 30 years　

When Millicent Palo missed her opportunity to join Alliance Girls High School, she did not know that it was her blessing in disguise. Instead, she joined Moi Girls School, Nairobi, where she met her best friend Caroline Kadenge.

"We met in 1982 in Form One. Millicent came late and was assigned a bed opposite mine. Slowly, we became friends," says Caroline.

The two young girls, in spite of their different backgrounds, struck a rare friendship and their bond continues to tighten, 30 years on.

Offers Millicent: "While Carol came from Consolata School in Westlands, I came from Toi Primary in Kibera. Caroline was fluent in English — in fact she had a ‘tweng’. On the other hand, I feared speaking English since I was not so fluent."

In spite of it all, the two girls found common ground and they are still inseparable. They found themselves in the same class and same cubicle throughout high school and would visit each other during the holidays.

While Caroline was exceptionally strong in English Literature, Millicent was a powerhouse when it came to Mathematics and sciences. So the two girls made a deal; they would help each other in whatever subjects each was strong in.

Says Caroline: "Millicent helped me pass Form Four and proceed to A-levels. Before that, I did not see the point of going further with my education, but this girl here exerted some friendly pressure and here I am."

Millicent went to Kenyatta University and Caroline went to Egerton University. But not even the distance could separate the two. They would communicate through letters and would often host each other in their college rooms.

Their mutual friends best describe them as "similar in personality, but different characters."

According to their friends, Caroline and Millicent have a common character of speaking their minds, but Carol’s way of doing so is more ‘straight-hitting’ or ‘brutal’ than Millicent’s ‘gentler’ manner.

Friends also describe Caroline as more outgoing than her best friend.

Millicent got married before Caroline and so when Caroline’s time came, Millicent was there every step of the way; from being her maid-of-honour to being the ever-present friend when the children came.

So deep does this bond run that their husbands, children, siblings, cousins, workmates and other friends also know each other. Millicent even named Caroline’s daughter — Audrey, when Caroline couldn’t come up with a name. These two friends also live within yards of each other, maybe as a show of solidarity.

Says Caroline: "My children are her children, and her children are mine too. I know my children have a mother in Millicent."

So what does it take to sustain such a friendship?

"We value this friendship. I would not do to her what I don’t want her to do to me," says Millicent.

As their friends report, these two women can get really mad at each other, but still find it in themselves to forgive - and forget.

"Yes, after telling each other off, we give each other time to cool off then we talk. We try not to dwell on one issue too much," says Caroline.

This is probably the reason why old classmates ask these friends, 30 years later; "You mean after all these years, you two are still friends?"

Susan Omondi and Elizabeth Waweru

Best friends for 34 years

Susan describes Elizabeth (Liz) as that one friend she had when they met in 1979, in Sunday School. Both were in Class One then.

Says Liz: "For a while we also attended the same primary school until Susan was whisked away to some boarding school for a year or two, then she came back in upper primary. We also somewhat lived in the same neighbourhood, not the same estate but a walking distance from each other’s homes."

After what Liz describes as ‘chemistry’, a friendship began to brew between these two and 34 years on, they are still the best of friends. They kept in touch throughout primary and secondary school.

Sue points out that Liz is insightful and loyal and this is the reason why she was drawn to her.

"Liz does not backbite, she has strong values and is not intrusive. We do not put any unnecessary pressure on each other," says Sue.

Liz thinks that Sue is able to pull people together and keep them that way.

"She keeps in touch and does not let go. She accepts people just the way they are, with their faults and all. Most of all, she is loving," says Liz.

These two friends believe that the fact that they understand each other so well is what has kept them strong all these years.

If, for instance, Liz is sulking, Sue will keep off and when she is not ready to share whatever is disturbing her, Sue will not push it.

So what keeps this bond tight?

"Understanding each other and accepting differences. Giving each other space as well supporting each other when need be is also important," says Liz.

Their families, including their mothers, have come to be good friends thanks to these two.

Sue recalls fond memories of sharing a house with Liz after moving out of home in the early 1990s, as well as going on holidays as families.

Liz loved being in Sue’s wedding line up and attending every baby shower.

And the fondest memory? "I always remember one time, when we were in high school and we had not seen each other in a long time, Sue visited me but didn’t find me. She left a note at the neighbour’s and I felt so bad that she had bounced me," says Liz.

Tichi Nyasani-Sitati and Stephanie Mwita

Best friends for 22 years

Stephanie will never forget Tichi’s kinky, long natural hair, which had to be relaxed by the second term of Form One.

The pair met at State House Girls High School in 1990. Tichi recalls that they were both skinny Form Ones, just getting to know their way around high school life.

Stephanie also recalls that Tichi used to sing well and she was a good rapper.

Offers Stephanie: "We were part of a singing group in high school and Tichi composed a rap song that was so great it made her the most popular girl at all the concerts we attended. Problem was she was not interested in a relationship, so all those poor boys used to come to me and her other friends to try and change Tichi’s mind but she was so head strong!"

Stephanie’s ‘extremely hilarious’ character is what Tichi first loved about her.

Offers Tichi: "Steph has a blunt way of telling you what she thinks of something but she cracks you up in the process. Even today, she hasn’t lost her touch. And for some reason, we have stayed close."

Tichi’s passion for life and commitment to whatever projects she undertakes made Stephanie want to keep the friendship alive.

"Tichi is very intense; her passion for life and the projects she undertakes is admirable. She is also generous, almost to a fault," says Stephanie.

Tichi admits that Stephanie is the voice of reason in her life, the one person who tells her the truth as it is, without sugar coating.

"I know she’ll tell me off if I cross the line. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else around her. In addition, we are passionate about similar things. For instance, we both have a passion for mentoring young girls and are now running a high school mentorship programme together," says Tichi.

The pair fellowshipped at the same church while they were in their 20s and became the best of partners, particularly in trying times. For instance, Tichi was there when Stephanie got married and fondly recalls driving Stephanie to hospital when she was in labour with her third child.

Still a single girl then, Tichi remembers her shaky legs and sweaty palms because she was dead scared that the baby would pop out any time.

And even in times of mistakes and errors, these women have stuck to each other through it all.

Offers Stephanie: "Tichi was my friend even after I made the biggest relationship mistake of my life. She did not dismiss me and forget about me, but she made me know her disapproval even as she loved me through it. She was there when I came back to my senses and she never said I told you so. She walked with me through the recovery and now I am totally healed from all that."

So how have they managed to keep their friendship this long?

"Acceptance; plain and simple. It is saying, "this is you and I accept you for who you are". Steph has known me for years; she knows my family background and the pains I went through in my childhood. So she knows that I have my ‘dark’ moments but she has never left me in the lurch. We also give each other space. I’m not in her face everyday and that helps," says Tichi.