The biggest transaction that ever takes place in an Indian household is marriage. But what exactly happens during marriage transactions?
You look at a ‘good’ or ‘service’, you gauge it, judge it and then decide whether you want to invest in it.
You then approach the seller, bargain a little bit and finally come up with a payment plan and exchange money for the good or service. That is also what happens when arranged marriages take place.
When a boy comes of age, and he was enough of a loser not to manage to get a girlfriend on his own, mummy and daddy sets out to go shopping.
They put out feelers and talk to their friends and relatives, explaining exactly what ‘model’ they are looking for.
The list is detailed: “We want a girl for our Pappu; she should not work, but should have a useless degree she will never use; must come from a rich home, but willing to wash dishes at my place. She must also be attractive and willing to produce four or five bonny babies for us to cuddle and give grotesque nicknames to (just like we did to our Pappu) ...”
Eventually, girls are shortlisted, and the family sets out shopping, visiting home after home checking out girl after girl.
The girl is asked to dress in an Indian outfit, even though she is usually spotted drunk as a skunk at a Westlands bar most Saturday nights in high heels and a tiny dress.
She must serve up chai and cookies to the potential suitor, must not look the boy or his family in the eye, must lie about her hobbies and interests which should change from “hitting the gym and checking out my hot instructor, and drinking tequilas while stalking people on Instagram,” to “painting, cooking, and singing” - hobbies that her new in-laws can easily kill.
Anyway, after several visits and seeing many different options, the buyers settle on the best model and the best deal and begin negotiations. Dowry? No Dowry? Destination wedding? Girl’s family going to pay for everything?
All these deals are done and the transaction is complete. Both families will eat something sweet to commemorate the occasion while the bride and groom use the few months prior to the wedding contemplating how they are going to spend their lives together, despite not knowing each other.
She has no idea that he is a compulsive gambler, he has no idea that her sex life has been busier than his day running daddy’s understaffed textile factory in Industrial Area!
You get the drift? Anyway, either way the deal is done and the good thing about Indian marriages? Most times, there is no return policy. A deal is a deal.
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