Edward Indakwa
I bet the risk expert who calls the shots at G4S Kenya is still pacing up and down in his office, mad as hell.
Early this week, one of his company’s cash-in-transit men made sure the money in his custody transited rather fast to a stranger who vanished into outer space. It was "Gone in Four Seconds" or G4S, as wags are jesting in pubs between rib shaking guffaws and back slapping.
Well, red-faced as the company’s management feels, it might surprise them to learn they have an army of passionate supporters in numbers that would shame opponents and proponents of the Proposed Constitution.
As soon as the latest heist was reported, the cyberspace erupted in cheer – Yippee! Hooray! Go man, go! A tourist might have been mistaken to think that Kenya rugby seven’s captain Humphrey Khayange had just scored a last-gasp try against Fiji.
For several hours, Kenyans united in prayer, saying, "Lord, may the wind be beneath his sails". They were referring to the hero who filched millions without breaking a sweat.
Curiously, some of the cheerleaders were women which is a shocker considering that so far, all the heists have been carried out by men. Hey, what happened to equality?
Anyway, it’s possible that as you read this, cops have nabbed the suspects because it’s not very helpful to bank on drunken prayers. God said he loves sinners, alright, but I will be damned if He entertains prayers emanating from a drinking den.
Predictably, support for the heists’ masterminds will change into utter disgust the moment they are arrested and the loot recovered. From every bar stool and kiosk bench across the land, citizens will vent their outrage with more passion than anything you’ve heard so far about the constitution.
"You mean he buried the money in his mother’s shamba? What an absolute idiot! If I were the one..." Now you get the drift.
Mind you, the people saying this are not your average vagabond with knives stuck in their socks. These are men and women of integrity, educated and gainfully employed. Some even hold strong views on governance, geopolitics, global finance and such brainy stuff.
Average Carjacker
Thing is crime, like everything else in Kenya, has evolved. The petty wristwatch snatchers of yesteryear have been phased out. The average carjacker these days is not some foul-mouthed hooligan but a young, classy fellow of good pedigree, probably educated to university standard.
That is development. And if G4S want to continue enjoying the support of Kenyans, they should overhaul their human capital policy pronto. Kenyans want guards with the smarts to make millions disappear in seconds – forever.
In a country teeming with thieving talent, it’s an outrage to employ people who imagine that burying millions inside thickets is sound thieving practice. Come to think of it – it’s a good thing we never trusted these jokers with the Anglo Leasing and Goldenberg scams.
Move over boys – this is a job for men.
itslife@standardmedi.co.ke
