The foreign policy advisers of America’s leading Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump, have said that if elected president, the billionaire’s first visit to Africa will be for the annual reed dance in Swaziland.
Swazi officials have already confirmed receiving official communication from Trump’s aides indicating the billionaire’s intention to visit the landlocked Southern Africa country during next year’s reed dance if and after the candidate wins the general election. If and when it happens, it will be virgin territory for a leader of the free world.
“He will go down in history as the first head of state from the so-called West to attend our reed dance... that is if the US will still be part of the West when he becomes president...” said a Swazi official.
The news of Trump attending the reed dance has elicited excitement from high school boys all over the world. A survey carried out just after the news broke out indicates that never before in the history of the world have so many hot-blooded teenage boys indicated a naked ambition of becoming heads of state of their respective countries. Kenyan teenage boys were not left behind either.
“It is an open secret that every Kenyan high school boy wants to attend the reed dance.” noted one local wag. “The problem though has always been the distance and the fact that there are no brightly coloured matatus playing loud music plying that route!”
While laying bare his plans, Donald Trump vowed that it will not be business as usual with regards to US-Africa relations.
“Our previous relationship with Africa and indeed the rest of the world has always been to view Africa as rich in virgin resources... we want to change that and we want to tell the world that Africa not only has commodities that can be exploited, but people too!” said The Donald in a long tweet.
Trump’s foreign policy advisers also added that the billionaire will make attending the reed dance an annual American tradition.
“I have directed that if elected president my annual vacation should always be in September... so that I always have time for the full eight days of the event. I know the Swazi king only attends on the last day but that’s because he is the leader of a small country but as the president of the most powerful nation in the world, I will attend for the entire eight days...” Trump said in a statement.
“Even if there’s a terrorist attack on the United States or North Korea detonates a nuclear bomb on the United States or even if Russia invades the US, I am not to be distracted,” he added.
As a sign of the radical changes to be expected when he is sworn in if elected, Donald Trump has said donor funds to Africa will no longer be given on the basis of a democratic record or proper governance issues but on the basis of a country’s ability to host exotic dances.
“The United States will not be sending any donor funds to African countries that don’t have an exotic dance. Such countries should also not expect a visit from me!” Trump said. “That includes Kenya; I am sorry, but Project X and twerking socialites do not qualify as exotic dances”
