I am not dying any time soon

World Aids Day was celebrated on December 1 and Asunta Wagura, 45, is synonymous with successful battles against Aids. She tested HIV positive more than 20 years ago and went public. She raised a furore when she made the decision to have children despite the virus. She spoke to FRANKLINE OKUTOYI

If I were to define my life, I would say it is full of turmoil. My dreams of becoming a nurse were shattered when I was informed I was HIV-positive, a condition that cannot be reversed. Since then, my life has never been the same again.

I would also say life has not been kind to me. My late father was my best friend, and I guess being the first born in a family of eleven (six girls and five boys) was an advantage and I received a lot of love from him. I still miss my father’s love.

In1989, I joined Nairobi Hospital to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. It is while I was there that I received the most shocking news. The college administrators had decided to test all students for HIV after they realised that most students reported to class late. I was, therefore, among the few Kenyans whose blood was tested and found to contain the HIV virus.

The administrators called my mother from the village and when she arrived, I was summoned to the principal’s office. Inside, I found my mother, the principal and a few tutors. That one-hour revelation was the longest and most tense moment in my life.

Christian values

The chief principal nurse tutor at the hospital was asked to break the news.

"Asunta," she started, "we invited your mother to be with you as we disclose your status. Mama," she turned towards my mother, "your daughter is infected with a deadly virus common in people who practise prostitution."

"Does that mean my daughter is a prostitute?" My mother asked.

"No, your daughter has Aids," said the principal. "However, most of the people infected with HIV are prostitutes."

I had been raised where Christian values were not a choice but a must. During those years, someone living with HIV was perceived as a cursed person in the society. I hardly knew much about Aids. The only information I had was that it was a killer disease.

The nurse continued: "Your daughter has only six months to live."

I reacted to the news with panic, disbelief and shock. I felt my ambitions in life come to an end. The nurse recommended to my mother to save the money she would have paid for my school fees. I was then ordered to pack my belongings and accompany my mother back to the village.

People there knew me as a God-fearing girl who had excelled in academic, so I knew that going back to the village after three months of studies in Nairobi would raise eyebrows.

When I emerged from the students’ dormitory, I saw fellow students peeping through the windows to try and catch a glimpse of me. It then dawned on me that the news had been circulated to my classmates.

I hated the place so much that I swore never to go there again. I have since realised, however, that finding someone to encourage you during difficult times is easy; the challenge is finding someone who can stand by you throughout the darkness. I later went back to the hospital in 2003 to conduct a health talk.

Upon arriving at the village, my mother convened a family meeting where she made the announcement the same way the tutor did. Nobody wanted to associate with me after learning I was living with the deadly virus.

Six months to die

That evening, my mother asked my younger sister to vacate the room we used to share. Neither a mattress nor a bed was left for me. When I asked my mother about it, she asked if I had forgotten the doctor had said I would die in six months. I slept on the floor.

For the next six months, the time left for me to live, I went through hell. My mother repeatedly berated me, arguing she had sent me to college to better my future but I had only brought shame to the family. She even told me she was not ready to bury another body considering we had just lost and buried my father a few months earlier.

I sometimes wonder how I persevered. I think it was God’s wish that I go through that experience so I would have something to share with the public today.

A few days before the six months ‘living period’ elapsed, my mother invited a church congregation to our home for prayers. I remember the pastor repeating that a man will die a death equal to his sins. I was cursed for being a ‘prostitute’ and I served as an example to others.

Well, I didn’t die after six months and I don’t think I am dying any time soon.

Double standards

Everybody started doubting the nurse’s information. I then wanted to prove to my foes that though they despised me, they were wrong about me. I desperately wanted to get married and have children to prove everybody wrong. So I approached my boyfriend and asked him if he would marry me since I had not died as predicted by the nurse. He accepted the proposal.

Before long, I was pregnant with our first-born, Peter Kanyi. He is now 20 years old. I got tested again but it turned out I still had the virus. But what amazed me is that when I passed the information to Peter’s father, it mattered little. Our marriage turned to hell. The relationship got so bad I was forced to walk out of the marriage. I moved out with our son.

I am also mother to six-year-old Joshua Wagura (going to Class One next year) and Israel Munene who has just turned three months old. I gave birth to Joshua and Israel to prove that people living with the virus can also have children. Peter was my main pillar of strength before I got Joshua and Israel.

Apart from my three sons, I have also adopted two children — Fridah Nyambura, 23, who is studying abroad, and Ann Wambui, 13, and in Standard Six. Peter is furthering his ‘A’ level studies in Uganda and wants to become a pilot.

Presently, I am undertaking a degree in Community Development at the University of South Africa. All my children are my pillars of strength. They energise me and I love them all.

When we are at home, we rarely talk about HIV and Aids. I think about the virus when I arrive at my Kenya Network of Women Living with Aids (Kenwa) offices because there, I deal with cases related to the disease. I hate people who tell lies or apply double standards, including those who lie about their HIV status.

When I am not watching my children play or sing, I watch geographical documentaries, Kikuyu comedies or reality TV. I would love to go to Gikomba market to do my shopping, but I hate it when people turn and point at me. They may be saying something positive about me, but I find it unappealing.