By Ted Malanda
If you are reading this, chances are you didn’t consider it much of an achievement when your child finished Fourth Form. But not the barmaid at my local. She threw a mighty bash complete with roast meat and booze at the local where her mates and old pals such as yours truly gave lofty speeches.
I thought she was crazy, till she staggered to my table. "You see, Ted, it’s practically impossible for someone like me to see a child through high school. My salary is 4,000 bob. But most times, patrons disappear without paying their bills and the money is deducted from my meagre salary," she hissed.
I know that only too well, having witnessed countless fights over unpaid bills over the decade I have been a patron at the otherwise esteemed establishment.
"My rent is Sh2,000 so you can imagine the difficulty of raising a child and supporting my siblings and aged mother," she explained. I had no quarrel with that. I earn lots more yet I still struggle to meet my financial obligations.
"If it weren’t for the tips I get here, and the goodwill of my daughter’s headmistress, she would never have finished school…"
Bottomless pit
Such are the tales that loosen the heart — and wallet. "Barman! A Guinness for big Betty," I announced, a teardrop in my left eye.
And I was thinking, isn’t it amazing how people pay tithe in different ways? A devoted Christian diligently deposits a tenth of his or her earnings with the church each month. But what does the charismatic preacher do with the money? He buys a big house, expensive suits and clothes for his wife and children and a bigger trumpet for the choir.
Like a trade union, money goes in, but never out. If a member of the congregation were to fall sick, or die, the church calls a fundraiser. When the pastor needs a new car, another fundraiser is called. Tithe simply disappears into a bottomless pit in the preacher’s stomach.
But when drunks tithe at the bar with their tips, poor barmaids whose men vanished into thin air place a hot meal on the table and send little babies to school.
Advisory: Do not stagger and tip — you have children too!
