Parenting these days is easy – unlike years past when parents never hesitated practicing tough love and disciplining their offspring. These days the preferred option is bribing the children. Not only does this have the potential to make you popular and possibly earn you a ‘parent of the year’ nominee slot but it also prepares your children for the Kenyan corrupt way of life.

This made running the day care centre a tad easy and expensive. All I needed to control the lot of five children who were unfortunate enough to have been left under my care was unleash candy (supplied on credit by the neighbourhood kiosk operator who I will soon have to start avoiding due to the accumulating debts).

Every time the children behaved well I would hand them a lollipop. Those who misbehaved would be made to watch others enjoy their lollipop. Tears were welcome and even though it was cruel, it worked. I didn’t invent it though; I merely borrowed from KANU during the single-party days. Siasa mbaya, maisha mbaya!

Despite napping not being a good idea when surrounded by children because of all the mischief they can get up to, I still dared to nod off one hot afternoon. I was awoken half an hour later by the children who were now pinching my nose with one of them bidding me bye because his mother had come for him.

But before I could lie that I had not been napping but praying for maize flour prices to fall, I realised Jabali’s mother would not buy it.

“Running after them all day is exhausting,” I said as Jabali’s mother led her away.

It was then that I realised there were only three children left instead of four – one was missing!

“Where is Mimi?” I asked of the three-year olds.

They gave me blank faces as they held out their hands. I knew what this meant. They wanted more lollipops before they could talk! It was only after I had gotten myself into more debt did they talk and reveal that they had been playing hide and seek when Mimi disappeared. What kind of three and four-year olds were they that they couldn’t be bothered to look for one of their own?

Ten minutes after the three had left; Mimi was still nowhere to be found. Luckily Mimi’s mother was always the last to appear. But on seeing her approach from a distance, I started feeling like an entomologist at an insect research centre – what with all the butterflies in my stomach.

Because she hadn’t spotted me yet, I decided to face the situation like a man – by tiptoeing to hide inside the old abandoned car in the compound.

As I squeezed myself inside the dark interior my heart almost leapt out when I heard a voice and my face being touched. It was Mimi. I put two and two together and realised she must have dozed off while playing hide and seek.

“Naona bado mnacheza (I can see you are still playing?),” Mimi’s mother said as I led the little girl by the hand to her mother.

All I could think of was that I was running a day care centre I would only recommend to people I had something against.