There is always something enticing about goods that have been marked as sold, or a last pair of shoes that someone has just picked. We suddenly get the feeling that we cannot and must not do without that particular commodity even if it means bargaining with the would-be buyer.
The same scenario plays out in relationships. You can be single for years and no one will ask you your name. But the moment they see you walking with a partner, your value shoots up more than the value of Safaricom shares and suddenly everybody finds you appealing and wants to be with you.
It could be for this reason that most single women would find married men attractive. The band on the finger that should signify a commitment to another woman becomes a call to adventure.
Gone are the days when men surreptitiously removed their wedding bands and slipped them into their breast pockets because they had seen a beautiful woman. Gone are the days when men were called out for lying that they were single because the wedding ring had left a clear indent on their fourth finger.
Now they don’t even tell you they are divorced because the contemporary woman will see that as a flaw on their part. In our bid to support fellow women we have an unwritten rule to blame the man and patriarchy for every single failed relationship. We give a listening ear when the woman tells her side of the story but dismiss the man with phrases like “He must have pushed her into it.” “We don’t know her side of the story so we can’t judge.”
Our fathers could have used excuses like “we only live together for the sake of the children” or “I’m divorced” to woo a woman, but their sons know better. They have photos of their wives and children as profile pictures on social media but still go ahead to DM us and declare their undying love for us.
With a WhatsApp profile bearing the wives’ photos, they message us at night to say, good night sweetheart. In his ingenuity, man has gradually learnt that sympathy doesn’t hold anymore. Even the unmarried ones will slip in a wedding band because suddenly a ring is a mark of honour. The wedding band is currently treated as a sign that a man is responsible and can nurture a family – virtues that make them more desirable.
Perhaps it would be safe to say that anyone in need of a partner should simply pretend they are attached to attract the right attention. They could send themselves flowers and giggle sheepishly at their phone to attract the attention of the elusive crush.
They could change their relationship status on social media to read they are in a relationship and once in a while post a picture of a random person to increase their marketability. While we may want brand new cars and shoes that have never known the smell of feet, when it comes to relationships, we all seem to want pre-owned people.
A pure-bred dog could never be a street dog and a well-cut stone will not lack an owner. Everything good has an owner. Relationship thieves are lurking everywhere and those in unions must work hard to avoid others stealing from them. As Kenyans aptly put it, no one steals from an empty house.
