Wife neglecting family for church

My wife is born-again but her behaviour in the last few years is offending me. She rarely has time for the children and I as she’s always away on all weekends attending to this or the other church matter. She has church responsibilities literally every day. I have complained to the church leadership but received no response. She rarely sees the children, which has forced me to play the role of father and mother. We no longer make love since she is either on her periods, fasting or thinking about church matters. Is this okay or common with others? What would you do if you were in my place?

{Andrew}

Your take:

It seems she has either made her mind to serve God more than you or discovered better love elsewhere.

You need to talk to her at length before you make any radical decision but I think you may be in for a rude shock.

{Peter Oyaro}

Proverbs 31 sets out the model wife and mother. I salute you for being supportive to your children though you are missing your conjugal rights.

Such things do happen but doing it in the name of God is playing with a live wire. Truth usually comes out in the long run.

{Pkemoi Ngenoh}

Exercise leadership in your house (spiritually as well as in intimacy). Treat her with respect and she’ll be submissive. Swallow your pride and stoop down to her level then talk things out soberly. The solution lies with the two of you.

{Atieno Owino}

You are not overreacting. There is a time for everything. She has failed her responsibilities and you deserve an explanation from her.

Tell her how you feel about her current changes and the friction she is bringing in the family. Just as she is finding time for church matters so should she also give quality time to the family.

If she denies you your conjugal rights what does she expect you to do?

{Maureen Owino}

Andrew, the Bible says the husband is the head of the house. You are the one who married her and not the church.

There’s time for family and time for church. If she has no time for you then she should pack and go.

Tell her that you have a right to enjoy your conjugal rights. Read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

{Kamau Beka}

You are showing concern and rightly so. The church should allow its members time to be with their loved ones and encourage them to raise happy families. Remind her of her duties as a wife.

{Josephat Okora}

The truth is that she is no longer saved; there is definitely another man in her life whom she spends the weekends with and that is the reason why she is no longer interested in you as a man.

Ask her to choose between you and the ‘church’.

{Kate Muthoni}

Take her out for dinner and make her understand that she is being selfish and inconsiderate in the name of serving God. God is the founder of families and we should not neglect our homes in the name of serving Him.

God comes first, family second and employment third. Let her know, you and the children need her emotionally and physically.

{Peter Mahare}

Your wife needs to understand that even though she is saved and committed to the church; her family comes first then the church.

She should cultivate the joy of her home first then spread it to others. Stand like a man and show direction to your family because you are the head.

{Ndang’ang’i}

Andrew, your marriage could crumble if immediate action is not taken. Marriage is a sanctified institution. Even the very busy people create time for their family. Something is brewing somewhere. Do your own investigation.

{Ogara George}

My take:

Like Andrew, many men and children are suffering because women fail to attend to the needs of family due to church commitments. In such circumstances, many marriages are being torn apart.

In essence, religion should bring people together but in many instances today, it separates people.

When the church becomes the cause of broken marriages and families, where is the Godliness in that?

The Good Book says there is a time for everything. Granted, all church functions are important and they increase as the church continues to expand.

However, the family is also as important and so we have to be wise in our actions.

When faced with too many responsibilities two approaches will do the trick; prioritise and delegate.

It is essential that people appreciate the fact that they can’t be everything to everyone and there is a time to do and a time to let others do.

A woman’s first responsibility is to her family; God entrusts the family unit to the woman so in attending to the family, she is serving God.

What is the point of religion when everything else in your life is falling apart? People need to think carefully and balance themselves out to ensure that no aspect of their lives falls apart because of the other.

We serve God in many ways and dutifully attending to one’s responsibilities is one of the ways.

If she wanted to serve God fully she would have become a nun. With the current situation, it is important that she understands her responsibilities and prioritises them.

If the church leader is a man worth his salt, he would not condone her absconding family duties to attend to church matters; unless there is more to this than meets the eye.

This is an issue that can be discussed in the presence of church elders.

There comes a time when a man puts his foot down and takes control of his household. Get her to see the damage she is inflicting to your marriage and to the young ones. Tell her salvation shouldn’t come at so steep a price.

This talk may reveal issues that may be abating the situation. She might reveal that she has a reason for not wanting to be home at all.

State clearly that you have no problem with that only that she attends to her primary responsibilities in the marriage and family.

{Taurus}

On the next issue:

After five years in marriage our sex life has reduced to once a week at most. I long for his touch and affection but we no longer have exciting sex. Sex for us has become a matter of routine with none of us really looking forward to it. For him, it is about ejaculating and this makes me feel like an object. But in all honesty, I don’t feel him any longer either. I am not attracted to him and he doesn’t turn me on anymore. What could be wrong with us? I am 29 and he is 33.

{Vivianne}

Dear readers,

This column appreciates that no one really has all the right answers and, therefore, seeks to get your feedback on the issues raised for discussion. Next week we will publish your comments and advice. Kindly send them to: thelounge@standardmedia.co.ke

You are invited to send your burning issue for discussion in this forum before Wednesday.