Nagging, pesky women can make men throw themselves into River Nyando. I mean, a man would do anything to be rid of such a woman. Relationship experts have warned that women are the major source of psychological and emotional problems affecting overtaxed men today, besides being the major cause of their early deaths. Here are 10 ways to avoid a nagging mama and live a few extra days:
1. Amka ngware mtu wangu
To avoid petty quarrels asubuhi asubuhi, including her inaudible murmurs, lamentations, name-calling and bad-mouthing, ensure you wake up before sunup. In case you get to the office so early before the doors are open, kula vako at the newspaper guy and discuss Ruto's game plan. Ensure you arrive home past midnight after a stopover at the local for 10 'head cleaners'.
2. Play bubu game
Pesky wives are always energised by the husband who responds to their 'interrogations.' So, when mama watoto begins quarrelling or complaining, give her the silent treatment. Bubu game. It will cool her demons.
3. Befriend the delete button
Make it a hobby to delete all chats, photo exchanges or mushy messages from your mpango, that ka-intern or the sexy workmate your wife hates although they don't know each other!
4. Pay slip is State secret
Women love poking their noses in men's pay slips so that they can monitor your expenses and pangia you a budget. As far as they are concerned, that Sh50,000 deducted every term could be school fee for the child of the 'other woman.' Since you want to rudishia mwili ahsante for slaving at work all month, ensure that the pay slip remains a 'State secret.' If need be, create a tattered one with measly pay from those experts on River Road.
5. Have a nuclear password
A pesky wife is always looking through her hubby's phone for incriminating evidence. When you're in the bathroom, she'll be scrolling through your messages, contacts, call log and WhatsApp chats. Ensure phone is password coded like a nuclear power plant.
6. Be social media enemies
You can't befriend a pesky wife on any social media platform as she will monitor all your online friends and search for your ex. Such a wife will always reread posts for hidden meanings, besides deciphering motives of those commenting on your wall. This will be a source of 'maswali ya clinic' later on. Don't be friends on social media!
7. Operate man-solo
Pesky mamas are boring irritants who always complain or nag about everything - from your height to the bride price balance. Be a lone ranger and acquire hobbies she can't be part of, like joining a team of jammaas that pepetas the ball with the head while swimming!
8. Lie like Saitan!
Telling the truth to a pesky wife is looking for trouble. So, keep it under wraps lest it be used against him. If your expensive phone gets stolen, tell pesky wife iko kwa fundi, otherwise she will feret all details looking for a link to a woman!
9. Phone on flight mode
Pesky wives always enquire about each and every call you receive. Not every woman caller is a mpango as you have a niece, female cousins, aunties and other relatives she has never met. Besides, you were in a mixed school at some point. To be safe, ensure the phone is ever on flight mode when you are with your resident kisirani.
10. Keep projects under wraps
Men with pesky wives have problems completing important projects, like buying a 50 x 100 plot along Kangundo Road, because such investments will always be met with alternative use for the money.