Long time ago, before Vasco Da Gama set foot on our shores carrying a boatful of Christians, a few Bibles, and lots of guns, there lived a certain tribe that used to create its own gods.
Whenever a serious communal problem arose, this tribe would meet under some tree or cave, depending on the weather, and create a god specifically to address the need before them.
Whenever the community felt that a certain god was not up to the task, for example, when he failed to stop an outbreak of measles or gonorrhoea, the community called another meeting, and the god got fired.
Now, they say sins of commission are deadlier than sins of omission. The 2010 Constitution created several constitutional deities that it elevated above everyone else by giving them the lofty title of independent commissions.
Sixteen years down the line, we, the people, need to call a meeting and ponder one question: Have these commissions, and those before them, solved the problems that we created them to solve, or have they grown obese from gobbling up the many sacrifices that we have been offering them in hefty pay packages and per diems?
The time has come to call out these commissions.
Step forward, our so-called National Cohesion and Integration Commission (NCIC). Whenever your name is mentioned, many Kenyans are forgiven for asking: “National what?” This is because, in the eyes of many taxpayers, you are the best illustration of how to consume taxpayers’ money by issuing endless press statements.
Next, the Ethics and Anti-Corruption Commission. Granted, we have seen a once-in-a-blue-moon list of ‘recovered assets’ and dramatic arrests, but there are some who might argue that you have been gobbling up more taxpayers’ money than what you recover in your ‘sting’ operations.
Besides, under your watch, we have seen some fellows who, as they say, were born the other day, become millionaires overnight after landing a job in some obscure government office. And then there is the old accusation that you have become political pawns and busybodies who keep chasing the small fish while the bigger fish merrily swim away with the entire pond.
Next, our so-called Public Service Commission. Word on the street is that you have become a private employment bureau run by the high and mighty in government.
If the stories doing the rounds are anything to go by, you and your kin, the Teachers Service Commission, might as well occupy a small desk tucked away somewhere in the corner of State House, where we hear some employment letters are dished out like love notes from a desperate Romeo.
As for our Salaries and Remuneration Commission, it is common knowledge that taxpayers still pay some cadres of workers’ salaries that bear little relation to the work they do. Under your watch, errand boys and tea girls in certain offices are said to earn more than lifesavers in our public hospitals.
If that is not an insult to common sense, I do not know what is.
This god-firing business could take longer than the space allocated to this column. There are simply too many more commissions whose creation needs revisiting, including some that exist only in name (you only get to know them from the obituaries pages) but are still packed with leeches quietly sucking away taxpayer’s blood.
Others are only as powerful as the sound of their names, like ‘The National Police Service Commission’ which, some critics say, serves under the men and women it is supposed to commission.
Then there are commissions whose very existence stinks to high heavens, like the Nairobi River Commission, which some wags say is still waiting for the Nairobi River to clean itself.
We could go on and on, but we have run out of space to fit all of the obese gods that have been feeding on our sacrifices, ones we might need to call a meeting and uncreate.
Mr Muchiri is a media and public communications consultant.
