Before saying “I do”

The powerful desire to get married and have a luxurious wedding should not cause you to jump into any opportunity of marrige, writes NIKKO TANUI

A wedding is usually about the bride. That is why almost every woman dreams about where and how her wedding would look like.

However, for every bride who ends up getting a wedding of her dreams, there is another one who whenever she remembers about it, tears of sorrow well her eyes.

We have heard or witnessed a bride’s wedding literally turned upside down by another woman with children in tow claiming to be the groom’s wife.

Therefore, before a woman agrees to accept a man’s marriage proposal, there are a number of things she must know about him, lest she will live to rue the day she got into that gown.

Has he been married before?

Incidents of furious women turning up at a wedding with children in tow brandishing pictures of her and the groom in their happier times are on the rise.

Therefore, every bride must ask a man and even employ other tactics to find out if her would-be-husband has been married before.

Any kind of marriage, including come-we-stay, counts because  the new constitution recognises a come we stay affair as a legal marriage.

Roof over head

Owning a house is a mark of a serious man. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a rented single room or a bungalow; as long as he owns some place he can call his own.

How shameful and annoying can it be to be taken to his bedroom in his mother’s house after the wedding? A bride living under the same roof or in the same compound with a mother-in-law will sure at some point face friction.

Remember, even the Bible is clear about this as it says a man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

Is he loyal?

For your information, don’t think marrying a man with a roving eye will change him once he becomes a husband. This is because marriage and vows won’t make him blind to other women.

There is nothing worse than getting married to a man who even before the ink on the marriage certificate dries, he is in the arms of another woman and doesn’t even discriminate who he goes after.

Can he provide?

Though the world has changed, it’s still the role of the man as the head of the home to provide for his family.

Therefore, before you agree to take up his last name, be certain that he is the kind that would rather clean toilets than see his family go hungry.

Don’t get it twisted. This doesn’t mean he should hold a big job, but the bottom line is, he must be counted on to bring home the bacon.

Does he respect women?

As absurd as it may sound, there are men out there who still think that women are good for nothing, are weaklings and cannot be depended on to handle anything complex other than taking care of babies.

Don’t be fooled. A man can be a gentleman when it comes to his mother and sisters, but when it comes to other women he is literally a jerk.

Therefore, before a woman signs that marriage certificate, she must be sure that she is getting married to a man who respects all women irrespective of whether they are related to him or not.

Anger management

Don’t think that it is only the village maroon who hits women. Senior and well respected men at the workplace are wife batterers. The only difference is that the rich often know how to keep their dirty linen under wraps.

Own decisions

There are men out there who cannot make their own decision or worse stand their ground.

There is nothing worse than ending up with a man who cannot make his own decision or lets them get overturned without a fight by everybody, especially his meddlesome mother.