Today, Barack Hussein Obama, a true son of Kenya but also, mostly even, President of the United States (POTUS) will land in Kenya. Kenya may be full of a lot of friendly, intelligent and hard-working people.
But, also, lots of wannabes!
There’s an old film ‘Planes, trains and automobiles’ that we watched as small kids, way back in 1987 (when Ainea Bolingo was like 37 years).
The story leading up to this ‘Second Coming’ of Obama has been the impressive mechanical armada he is landing with. Suddenly, we have all these ‘Airforce One’ experts, wannabes who describe the Beast inside out you would imagine they are its makanikas, chopper blow-hards who swore Marine One was coming to carry Obama to Siaya to see his grandma, and even naval ‘experts’ who pretend to know the missile technology on ‘Obama’s warships in Mombasa.’
Before his itinerary was released (oh, yes, we had not forgotten your lot!), there were wannabes speculating online that Obama was coming for eight hours (pessimists) to eight days (incurable optimists). Wannabes wrote online about where he was going to stay – Kempinski (my guess), Fairview Hotel due to ‘Israeli security’ nearby, State House in the Kenyattas’ ‘spare guest room’, a safe house in Nanyuki, at Raila’s Karen home because they are buddies ... basically, anywhere but the DP’s house.
People who claim Obama as their ‘native son’ have been going overboard, online. One pal Rabala says he has traced his true roots to Kendu, where he (Rabala, not Obama) hails from. The truth is the original Obama came from Nyamarambe in northern Kisii, before migrating to Kogelo.
Hello!
Everyone is now a security expert. Wannabes who wish they were in the Secret Service or something.
A lady called Sally told me, seriously, sotte vocce, the other day that Al Shaabab will attack this weekend for sure because ‘all the police in Kenya have been deployed to guard president Obama’.
I already spoke, last week, of pre-policy Obama experts who just ‘know’ he is here to promote gay rights. These prophets of gloom are the kind who rely on Internet rumours, snubbed politicians and the uji in their heads that they mistake for brains, for information. They will have no idea that Obama, in the past week, has solved decade old diplomatic relations with the countries of Cuba and Iran.
Obama for some is Black Moses with manna for everyone ( although his is just less than the Second Coming of Jesus, but on a very nice presidential jet). He will make Kenya a first world ‘entrepreneur’ country and we’ll all stop being ‘hustlers.’ The Opposition will ‘report’ tenderpreneurs, kwanza wale wako kwa ofisi ya Waiguru, and he will sort them out.
But there are the cynic wannabes who see nothing of importance in Barack’s visit, like my friend Lisa.
These are the kind even if NASA spotted Satan riding on a red hot comet coming towards Earth would just shrug and say: ‘Si tutakufa tu siku moja!’ Nothing short of a thorough beating can excite such folks.
Then there are the haters, the ones I have been seeing on Facebook saying Obama’s visit is meaningless, that he should just have stayed in America to nurse the last two years of his ‘failed presidency.’ Seriously? To these haters I say, relax. Obama is not coming to run for Kenya’s presidency in 2017 after he finishes his term at the end of next year (and even if he did, and won, there are people who can rig him out and tell him to report it to his ‘gay’ Supreme Court).
The most amusing wannabes for me are the Nairobi ‘Obama Exiles’.
I read about Nairobians running away to Mombasa and filling up hotels for the weekend to avoid the stress of dealing with Obama and his entourage.
Here we are, looking for weekend accommodation in the CBD, ata ka ni River Road, to glimpse Barack at the Memorial Park or wherever. Yet a cab guy is telling me the other night: Mi na-park gari Thursday jioni, nipande bus ya Mombasa, nirudi job Monday jioni.’ To this taxi man, all Obama means is traffic jam and lack of mobile phone connectivity.
tonyadamske@yahoo.com
