It often begins innocently, a compliment here, a shared laugh there. “You smell nice today. Something’s different about you.  You look amazing.” 

From casual banter to after-hours team-building events, office dynamics can quickly shift from professional to personal. What starts as harmless workplace interactions soon escalates to private phone calls, late-night chats, and, in some cases, secret rendezvous outside the office.

By Monday morning, the same colleagues who were cuddling under the same sheet over the weekend are back at their desks, pretending nothing happened and resuming life with their unsuspecting spouses.

This, increasingly, is the unspoken reality in many modern workplaces.

Just recently, headlines erupted when Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and Chief People Officer Kristin Cabot were spotted getting cozy at a Coldplay concert. A viral clip showed the two, both married to other people, in an intimate moment that sparked outrage, and eventually, their resignations.

The scandal has since ignited conversations around office relationships, ethics, power dynamics, and the blurred lines between personal and professional boundaries.

The numbers paint a stark picture of workplace infidelity. Mental health expert Dr John Delony reveals that 85 per cent of affairs start at work, with one in five employees confessing to being unfaithful with a colleague. Recent surveys support these alarming figures, showing that 79 per cent of employees admit to having had a long-term workplace romance, with 15 per cent having had more than one.

What is particularly concerning is the power dynamics at play. A staggering 41 per cent of respondents admit their most recent romantic partner was a supervisor or manager, while 91 per cent acknowledge using flirting or charm to advance their career or gain favouritism. Perhaps most telling, 69 per cent admit to receiving inappropriate perks from workplace relationships.

Breakdown

The generational divide is equally revealing. Among Gen Z workers, 45 per cent have slept with a colleague, and 11 per cent have dated their manager. For this younger demographic, workplace romance isn’t just common, it is career-influencing, with 63 per cent saying such relationships affected their long-term career decisions.

Dr Delony attributes this epidemic to the fundamental breakdown of modern relationships.

“We have created the loneliest generation in human history, and we have taken that to our homes,” he explains. “We have asked our spouses to be everything. They have to be co-earners, co-parents, co-house runners. You have to be hot until you are 95 and still sleeping together. No human being can bear the weight that unskilled modern marriage is putting on a single person.”

The result is marriages that function more like business partnerships than romantic relationships. Couples become expert co-managers of household logistics, coordinating school pickups, managing finances, scheduling repairs but lose the shared purpose and emotional connection that sustain long-term relationships.

Meanwhile, the office provides everything modern marriages lack. Colleagues work together toward common goals, share victories and defeats, and spend quality time engaging in meaningful conversations about projects that matter. They see each other at their professional best well-dressed, energetic, focused, and successful.

“I am spending more time with her or him than I am with my spouse,” Dr Delony says. “And the time we are spending together is rich. We are laughing, telling jokes. Oh my gosh. Of course it happens at work. Because you are not getting it somewhere.”

For executives and senior managers, the stakes are particularly high. Their positions afford them greater autonomy, flexible schedules, and opportunities for travel all of which can facilitate extramarital relationships. Corporate credit cards cover discreet dinners, business trips provide cover for romantic getaways, and executive assistants can help manage dual calendars.

The recent case of the Astronomer executives illustrates how quickly these relationships can unravel. What might have seemed like a private moment at a concert became a public scandal when captured on video, leading to immediate resignations and reputational damage that will likely follow both individuals throughout their careers.

Long hours

Yet the allure remains powerful. In high-pressure executive roles, the office often becomes the primary source of intellectual stimulation, emotional support, and personal validation. Long hours create natural opportunities for intimate conversations, shared meals, and the gradual erosion of professional boundaries.

Ironically, HR departments, supposedly the guardians of workplace propriety, show the highest rates of interdepartmental dating. According to research, 42 per cent of HR personnel have dated coworkers at some point, with nearly 8 per cent currently involved in workplace relationships.

*Elizabeth, an HR professional in Kenya, offers a firsthand perspective on this paradox. She found herself in exactly this situation when she began dating a manager at her company.

“I was the first person to actually meet someone in the office, and at that time I was the one doing all the HR processes,” she recalls. “We were both called to the bosses, and they said it was okay since we didn’t have any rules stating that you cannot date in the company.”

Her relationship eventually ended up into getting engaged, both parties continue working together. “We have not had complaints about our interactions,” she says, “but I don’t think it should be allowed because even if we say it’s not affecting other people, I feel at some point it does affect the individual’s work because you might have personal issues and now you have to deal with each other.”

When asked about the recent Astronomer executive scandal, Elizabeth expressed mixed feelings about the consequences.

“I don’t think it was right for them to be fired,” she argues. “Yes, it was wrong for him to cheat, but it was wrong making them quit because of a scandal unless it was affecting the company’s profits directly. I don’t feel someone’s personal life should affect their job unless plans are getting lost and everything.”

This creates a troubling conflict of interest when these same individuals are responsible for investigating workplace harassment claims and enforcing professional conduct policies.

Virtual meetings

The situation is further complicated by the fact that 72 per cent of workplace romances are kept hidden from HR or management, with Gen X employees being the most secretive at 86 per cent. This secrecy creates environments where inappropriate relationships can flourish unchecked, potentially leading to favouritism, conflicts of interest, and hostile work environments for other employees.

The rise of remote work has added another layer of complexity to workplace romances. Recent studies indicate that 86 per cent of employees believe remote work actually fuels office relationships. Virtual meetings, instant messaging, and collaborative online platforms create new opportunities for intimate communication away from the watchful eyes of colleagues.

The isolation of remote work has also intensified the emotional connections formed during occasional in-person meetings or business trips. When face-to-face interactions become rare and special, they can feel more charged and meaningful than regular office encounters.

The fallout from workplace affairs extends far beyond the individuals involved. Dr Delony emphasises the profound impact on families: “I can’t tell you how many calls I take with somebody three months into divorce proceedings. ‘I had no idea what hurt this bad. I didn’t know my kids won’t look at me. I have to see my daughter three days a week.’”

Professionally, the consequences can be equally severe. Beyond the immediate risk of termination, individuals involved in workplace affairs often find their professional reputations permanently damaged. The question of trustworthiness follows them to future positions, with colleagues and superiors wondering: “If they can’t be trusted with their marriage vows, how can they be trusted with confidential information or important decisions?”

Companies also suffer significant costs, including legal fees, severance packages, recruitment expenses, and potential harassment lawsuits. The disruption to team dynamics and workplace culture can persist long after the individuals involved have left the organisation.

Social media

Despite the risks, completely eliminating workplace attractions may be unrealistic. Dr Delony suggests focusing on building stronger marriages rather than relying solely on avoidance strategies.

“For me, it is if me and my wife were building something together and my chief purpose is here, then work becomes a thing I do,” he explains.

However, practical boundaries remain important.

Many relationship experts recommend avoiding one-on-one meals, late-night work sessions, or personal conversations with colleagues you find attractive. Some organizations have implemented policies requiring open-door meetings and transparent communication about business relationships.

The prevalence of workplace affairs reflects broader cultural shifts in how we approach work, marriage, and personal fulfillment. As traditional social structures continue to evolve, organizations and individuals must grapple with new challenges around professional conduct and personal relationships.

The conversation sparked by recent executive scandals suggests a growing awareness of these issues.

While 75 per cent of workers say they’re comfortable with workplace romances in general, 40 per cent still consider them unprofessional, indicating ongoing ambivalence about mixing business with pleasure.

As one social media commentator noted about the Astronomer scandal: “I feel people dating in the office shouldn’t be vilified, everyone is an adult. By the time you get yourself in that situation you know exactly you can handle it, just don’t let it interfere with your job.”