Frank, now 34 and a father of three, recalls a traumatic experience from his youth that still lingers in the shadows of his mind. At just 21 years old, he found himself forced into a sexual relationship with a much older woman; his employer at the time.
"I was just a hardworking boy trying to earn a living," he says. "But I ended up broken and confused."
For years, Frank carried the burden in silence, unsure of how to speak up or whom to tell.
"As a man, you are expected to be strong. Admitting that a woman violated you? That is not something society prepares you for," he says.
Sadly, Frank's experience is far from unique. Thousands of men across Africa, and indeed around the world, are silently bearing the weight of childhood or early adulthood sexual abuse.
Recently, social media platforms, particularly X, have become spaces where men are finally speaking out. Posts from men in Kenya, Nigeria, South Africa, and other African nations describe incidents of sexual assault at the hands of older women, sometimes family members like cousins and aunties, or domestic workers like house helps.
"Guy to Guy, Share your sexual abuse experience from older women before you clocked 13," an X thread from a user called Sir Dickson @Wizarab10 announced.
Many shared that they were under the age of 13 when it happened, and had kept it a secret their entire lives.
"Our house help then always told me to suck her breast in the afternoon. I can still remember the taste of salt from her nipple. She would tell me that if I don't suck her breast, she will tell my father that I played downstairs. On many days, na fear of beating make me suck breast wey nothing dey," wrote Anyafulugo, an X user from Nigeria.
Move up and downs
"There's this painful irritation, mixed with anger, that I feel whenever I have a flashback of my experience of being abused as a child. One day, I will break free from it and find the courage to share my story. It's been like 17 years back but the older I get I realize how it affected me one way or the other. For now, I'm healing slowly, but surely away from the pain," wrote PenSolar, another X user from Nigeria.
"I was countlessly molested by one aunty that sells provisions. Each time I was sent to buy something from the shop, she would tell me to come inside. She would pull down my short and start to fondle my pimpim. She would suck it, and when it feels erect, she will place me in-between her legs and order me to move up and down. This continued until I learnt to avoid her shop. Note: Her shop was the only one within close distance. And I didn't even know what was really happening at that time," wrote Ikecosmas
The stories are disturbingly similar: being manipulated or coerced by a trusted adult, often under the guise of play or affection. The psychological scars left behind often outlast the physical ones, with some men admitting they had never told anyone about the abuse until now.
A 2022 report by the Kenya Health Information System revealed harrowing statistics: in Nairobi alone, over 200 boys had been sodomised in a single year. The report recorded 121 cases involving boys under the age of 11, and 87 involving boys between 12 and 17. These numbers highlight an often-overlooked crisis: sexual violence against boys, especially in urban centres.
True scale
According to a study by Together for Girls, titled Childhood Sexual Violence against Boys, 65 per cent of incidents of sexual violence against boys in Kenya occur in perpetrators or victims' homes. The study also found that victims reported more attitudes favourable to violence against women than non victims and were more likely to engage in transactional sex. Globally, the organization reports that in the past 12 months, 69 million boys have experienced sexual violence.
Yet, these statistics likely under-represent the true scale of the problem. Cultural taboos, shame, fear of stigma, and the societal myth that boys and men cannot be victims contribute to widespread under reporting.
The issue isn't confined to Kenya or Africa. A 2025 study published in The Lancet by the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation (IHME) at the University of Washington's School of Medicine found that nearly one in seven men globally experienced sexual violence as children.
Among survivors aged 13 to 24, 72 per cent of males reported their first experience of sexual abuse occurred before they turned 18. Alarmingly, 14 per cent said it happened before the age of 12.
Countries with the highest prevalence of male child sexual abuse include Cote d'Ivoire and Bangladesh (28 per cent), followed by Botswana (27 per cent), Haiti (26 per cent), and Nigeria (24 per cent). Even high-income countries are not exempt, with the US and UK recording rates of 16 per cent and 17 per cent respectively.
Genital violence
The study emphasised the long-term effects of sexual violence against children, including mental health disorders, substance abuse, sexually transmitted infections, and hindered educational and economic outcomes.
The crisis extends beyond peaceful regions. Data released by Women's Refugee Commission on sexual violence against men and boys in conflict and displacement shows the vice is widespread in conflict zones.
Research conducted in Myanmar, Libya, DRC and South Sudan revealed that boys and men were subjected to various forms of conflict related sexual violence, including forced witnessing, genital violence, and anal rape.
Despite decades of global advocacy and child protection efforts, the prevalence of sexual violence against boys has remained nearly unchanged since 1990.
Counselling psychologist Faith Nafula explains that sexual abuse affects male and female victims differently, but in both cases, the emotional and psychological toll is severe.
"No two people experience trauma the same way. But for boys and men, the societal pressure to 'man up' makes it incredibly difficult to seek help," Nafula says.
Victims may suffer from anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and even personality disorders. Many experience disrupted sleep, eating disorders, or dissociation.
On a deeper level, sexual abuse can interfere with psychosexual and psychosocial development, affecting relationships, self-image, and the ability to set healthy boundaries in adulthood.
Nafula adds that sociocultural barriers often silence victims.
"In many African societies, the idea that a woman can sexually violate a boy is laughed off. Boys fear being disbelieved, ridiculed, or blamed. Sometimes, the perpetrators are family members, and the fear of causing family conflict further discourages disclosure."
Avoid blame
She notes several emotional and behavioural effects of suppressed trauma: low self-esteem, victims may struggle with self-worth or feel they are to blame.
Some may withdraw from friends, family, or society and even experience sexual dysfunction.
"Some struggle to protect themselves emotionally or physically in future relationships," she adds.
Recognising the signs of abuse is essential for early intervention. Nafula urges caregivers to watch for physical signs, bloody or stained underwear, bruising or irritation around the genital area, difficulty sitting or walking, and complaints of genital pain or itching
"Parents should also watch over emotional signs such as shame, guilt, anger, depression and anxiety, loss of trust and feelings of worthlessness," she says.
According to the psychologist, behavioural signs such as nightmares or night terrors should also be seen as an alarm.
"Parents should watch out for signs like fear of touch, protective behaviour toward younger children, avoiding certain people or places, and self-harming behaviours," she says.
Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in helping children heal and in preventing abuse.
Nafula advises parents to make children feel safe, especially after disclosure, offer a listening ear, support healing and avoid blame.
"Never blame the child or question their experience," she says.
When abuse is suspected or confirmed, immediate steps should include reporting the case to the police, seeking medical evaluation, and finding professional counselling. Beyond individual cases, society must foster open discussions around male sexual abuse.
"We need to stop treating this as a taboo. Public conversations about sexual abuse should include boys. Protecting children means protecting all children," Nafula says.
