Raising teens sanely is an art that most mothers would like to inherit from their mothers just before their own children turn thirteen. While younger children’s tantrums are much easier to keep under control, handling teens requires wisdom from above. They are not easily lured to calm down with lollipops, instead they call for negotiation of terms. Should you decide to join the members club and go out with the girls on Friday night, note how fast your teenage children will quickly ask for an equalizer. “Mom, since you are going out with Aunty Wairish, can you call Debonaires for a pizza?” What to do?
Allowing your children to freely negotiate enables them to develop the entrepreneurial gift in them. All they are simply asking is, since you are going to have some fun, should they not have some too? Being considerate means that you weigh your options mentally and financially; this does not mean that you are bribing them to allow you to go out with the girls, it only means they want some consideration. If you have practiced open conversations on all other grounds while still ensuring that they understand that you are mom first and then friend, then your outing will not be affected. It is wise to practice that trade.
Sleepovers on the other hand, have harder rules in trading off. These have been in existence since timeworn and you probably had lots of those with your cousins when you were a teenager too. Nowadays, sleepovers are mostly held with friends than relatives. Investing time to know your children’s friends is simply honourable. It is not just about knowing the boy or girl who your child calls a friend, it is also taking an extra step to know the other child’s parent’s by name, workplace and residence, it is having their phone number in your mobile phone and having the freedom to call them in case the sleepover needs to be aborted or extended. It is also knowing if the visiting child has any known allergies and helping your own children understand what that means and being able to openly discuss it amongst themselves as a condition and not a disability.
Should you choose to go out and your children ask to have the pizza and a sleepover, change your plans and stay home. As much as you may have planned to hit the dance floor in your favorite club, the sacrifice is worth taking. Being at home when there is a visiting child gives you the opportunity to learn their behavior and ensure that there is order as there is strength in numbers, especially to do naughty things. Discipline comes by mom and besides as Prince would have it, “Too much freedom can lead to the soul’s decay.”
As a mother, your children learn a lot from you. The way you handle your joyful and sad moments, the way you make decisions will soon begin to reflect on them. Making your stand firmly known to your children and their friends will help shape their discipline appropriately. Having them understand that family comes first before food, fun and friends will strengthen the bond between you and your children.
