By JAMES GITAU

I hope you had a great week and that you have continued to take more control of destructive emotions that could be impairing your health, relationships, career, happiness and even your ability to create wealth.

Yes, you read right; negative emotions could be the reason you are broke. They could also cause you to lose whatever wealth you may have.

Money is a positive energy while poverty is a negative one. We know that like attracts like. Weird as it may sound, when we are in a negative state, we repel money and attract poverty into our lives. When in a negative state, we spend money on things we do not need as we unconsciously think they will make us feel better.

In the last few weeks, we looked at some of the most destructive emotions — anger, guilt and jealousy — and their impact on our lives. There are many more destructive feelings and each one of them has a negative impact on many aspects of our lives. A parent’s negative emotions could also affect their children.

Unfortunately, most of what we have been taught about managing our emotions seems not to have been helpful as we see negativity across different levels of the society.

Most of us were conditioned to deal with our negative emotions in the following ways:

1. SUPPRESSION

When we got emotionally hurt and cried, we were told to stop being babies and shut up. We learned that expressing how we felt was not safe.

Many people will not express their feelings, even when hurt. In slang, it is referred to as kukaa ngumu. The danger with kukaa ngumu is  that one ends up with huge amounts of bottled negative emotions, which could explode and have serious repercussions on the individual and other people.

2. ESCAPE

When things get tough, many people escape from how they are feeling by engaging in all kind of things. Escapism behaviour includes smoking, alcohol, excessive and meaningless watching of television, overeating and sex.

These provide some form of temporary relief, or kutoa stress, but could lead to addictions.

3. EXPRESSION

This is letting others know how we feel about whatever may have upset us through verbal or physical expression, such as ignoring them, sulking, giving them ‘evil eyes’ or telling them off. The challenge with this method is that it creates more negative feelings.

STEPS TO TRUE HEALING

1. AWARENESS

When you become aware, you know there is a problem that needs solving. The next thing you need to do is to notice what causes you to experience these negative emotions and the changes you experience.

For instance, when another driver obstructs you, what inner dialogue do you have with yourself? What meaning do you give that situation? Are there any changes in your breathing and physiology, such as clenching of teeth or fists? What do you say to that person, both verbally and non-verbally?

2. ACCEPTANCE

Some people say, “I know I have a bad temper, but I just can’t help myself. I don’t know what to do.”

Admission is a good starting point. Accepting there is challenge will help you move to the next level.

3. COMMITTING TO CHANGE

Ask yourself, “What have these negative emotions cost me or what could they cost me?”

The more painful the consequences, the greater your desire to change. Do whatever it takes to work on the destructive emotions so that you can improve your life.

4. GETTING HELP

It can take years to overcome some negative emotions, as we have lived with them all our life, and they have been deeply ingrained into our subconscious.

I highly recommend getting a coach or therapist to help you identify the source and hasten the journey to healing.

The writer is the Founder of Peak Performance International. lifecoach@peakperformance-int.com