Conflict is common in marriage and the way couples resolve it determines the maturity and commitment to the relationship, writes Peter Kamuri
Everyone wants to live in a happy relationship or marriage, but the reality is that relationships are not immune to the harsh circumstances of life and occasionally will hit rock bottom.
When the storms hit, unsteady relationships are rocked and parting ways becomes inevitable for some. The rising levels of stress due to strenuous working conditions and family pressure are straining many relationships and causing a lot of frustration. The frustrations and anger are often projected to the other partner, leading to perilous situations like divorce or separation.
Unfaithfulness and lack of trust are other issues that have consistently smitten many relationships. Infidelity has been known to shatter even the strongest of relationships because in its wake, it leaves a trail of betrayal and guilt.
Lack of quality time with each other also rocks many relationships. This may be at times due to the nature of our work or the company of friends we keep. In some situations, there are communication gaps between partners and this can lead to serious problems if not taken care of in time.
Common ground
When a relationship encounters a challenge, the solution is not to ignore the conflict and hope it disappears with time. The problems must be dealt with as they resurface.
As a couple, you must learn to handle relationships problems in a way that encourages harmony and diffuses conflict. Resolving conflict is one of the most important life skills for a healthy relationship. The relationships that crumble are the untended.
The good news is that there are things you can do to fall in love again if your relationship is under threat. The first thing you should do is to appreciate the fact that it is perfectly normal to experience problems in a relationship.
Angelica Kimani, a family counselor says denial is one thing that weakens the bond in a relationship. However, the way you handle the challenge is what will determine whether you will salvage your relationship or not.
Kimani advises: “To fall in love again, you must be a good listener. When you listen to your partner in a respectful manner, you are saying you strongly feel about the other person and acknowledge their feelings. This can be done either by word of mouth or through body language. It is a true way of saying you love and care.”
“Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes first whenever there is a problem. When you learn to see a problem from the other person’s perspective, you are likely to understand the circumstances better and offer better solutions. This is not to say that you get compromised, it is just a way of trying to understand why they are acting in a certain way,” she says.
Kimani says another good way to rekindle your love is to always find a common ground when there is a problem. Finding points of agreement ensure that conflicts are resolved amicably in an environment of mutual understanding and trust.
Relive the past
“It is important to relive your past at times. Remember those romantic moments you shared when you first met. You can stoke the dying embers by buying your partner a card, sending a lovely text message or just putting a love note in his wallet,” says Kimani.
She also emphasises the need to be flexible and accommodative.
“You should be tolerant of other people’s shortcomings and mistakes. If you give a little, it makes room for the other person to make concessions too. This can be achieved by giving others freedom to decide and choose,” notes Kimani.
She further counsels partners to set quality time with their spouse. “Have some regular time to be alone with your partner and use the moment to reflect on your relationship. Engage in activities that used to bring you joy and work towards bonding your relationship. A walk in the park or a visit to the theatre together can have remarkable results.”
Kimani also advises individuals to take care of themselves, eat right, exercise, rest, take care of their appearance and be open for new things.
“Do not forget to initiate lovemaking and have passion in whatever you do, as these are the things that glue marriage,” she concludes.
