You don't need an excuse to dump your man

Women, daughters of Absalom and Jacob, this is 2021. Arise! Normalise breaking up with a man when you feel like it. For any reason you may have or create, or for no apparent reason. Any excuse.

If you suddenly realise that he snores loudly, and that that offends your fallopian tubes, break up with him. If you think his habit of throwing his dirty socks all over the house gets to you, even if he’s been doing that for the last 18 months, cut him loose. If he doesn’t follow that kadotted line when tearing tissue paper, or presses tooth paste from the middle, strut in into the house, announce you are Jane Bond, and kick him out.

Kwani? See, these sons of Nebuchadnezzar leave us for no reason. We cry and cut weight and become motivational speakers on the streets of social media. We even shave our weaves. And you know what? They feel dot – nothing.

We love them, cook for them, iron their shirts, wash their smelly socks and torn underwear and sleep with them in their bedsitters drinking kanjo water and feeding on sukuma wiki like rabbits daily, inhaling the sooty smell of their paraffin stoves. Then they just wake up one morning and leave us. For no reason!

Sis, if you’re simply bored with Peter, or your feelings for him changed overnight, leave him. You don’t owe him his mother, annoying sisters or his friends who would bed you at the drop of a hat an effing explanation. If you want to call or text him, meet him for coffee and officially announce the break-up, well and good. But you aren’t obligated to do so. Don’t feel like you’ve been knitted together so you won’t leave.

You don’t owe him a kidney.

Even if Johnte is still in love with you (haha!), lies that if you leave him he’ll die or he’ll never ever date again (more haha!), you still don’t have to be with him. You don’t love him anymore. Walk, sis – walk.

He’s texting you essays and paragraphs in PDF format telling you how he loves you and reminding you where you two have come from? And he doesn’t want to lose you? Read. Delete and eat cake to fatten your hips kwa kipooole.

Even if he has done a million things for you, supported you, spent an arm, a leg and all body organs on you, you still don’t have to be with him.

This gender that betrayed Jesus, the only Son of God, these ones have perfected the habit of dumping women, these ones, don’t feel for them. Women get dumped all the time but no man gives them that same empathy, apart from fellow women.

Women even get blamed for being dumped! Ooh... she can’t keep a man. She couldn’t cook. Ooh, he couldn’t have children. She became shaggy and saggy. She has a mouth so Paul left her for Tracy. She was so full of herself because she has a PhD. Then she becomes bitter with life. Then she’s judged, again, for merely being bitter. Y’all can’t even let a woman be bitter with her own life in peace, without your judgment, so why can’t men be emotionally accountable and go focus on their healing too? Rubbish!

Leave them. Dump them. Break up with them. They won’t die. Growing up, we have been taught that men are strong, no? Leave. They will heal.

I know y’all will come for me and my sisters and tell us how we have no mercy and we should know that men too, have feelings and emotions. Ati that’s how we eventually get hurt by men who were hurt by other women and have not healed bla bla. Fine. Fine, bruh. We are fine with that.

Also, start dating again when you’re fine and ready. Don’t wait for him to move on. Even if it’s immediately. Even if it’s after two days. Start dating. You aren’t obligated to wait until it’s considered socially appropriate to move on from your previous relationship.

Drop today and pick tomorrow. It’s okay sis.

Don’t worry about his feelings. His boys will take care of him. They will pay for his therapy. They will visit and take him out and find him another girl. He won’t die.

dianamakokha@gmail.com